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Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Courage

I think that courage is something I lack in. Partly because of my self-doubt and lack of confidence, the anxiety that comes with wondering what people think of you, but also the realization that I was stuck. Reading the Bible all my life, hearing the Gospel countless times, taking Communion every year gets to be a routine. I hear it, it comes in me as the truth, and then it leaves until the next time I hear it, when it should be planted in my heart and convict me to do something. Though I admit I judge others when they do drugs or party or curse (how typical, right?), I do nothing, NOTHING, to share the Gospel. Why? Because I'm scared of what they'll think. This past Sunday, my pastor shared about the book of Ecclesiastes (a book that has followed me since the beginning of last school year). His message opened up the topic of fearing the Lord. Who do we fear more? People or God, the One who created every single person on this earth? Either we do not fear the Lord or we do not have love for other people and a desire for them to come to know the Lord. Ouch. When he spoke those words I knew that they were true. I live my life in fear, but I question whether that is fear from my consciousness, the fear of being condemned, or fear that wants to repent and draw closer to the Lord. Do I love other people enough to lay down my pride or fear of being judged and present the Gospel, the only way to Heaven? Do I love my family enough to do this? Evangelism has ALWAYS been hard for me because I lack desire. My Bible study is going through the series of Matthew, and we are on our last week going through the crucifixion. Reading the passage this morning I was awakened by the questions my packet asked me. "1. If you struggle with being bold about your faith, how does the mocking of Jesus give you courage?"
"2. In Matthew 27:32, a man named Simon was asked to carry Jesus' cross. Jesus himself said that to be a disciple we must deny ourselves and pick up our cross. In what areas of your life do you need to bear your cross daily?"
"3. How does it affect you knowing that it was the love of Christ that compelled him to bear your sin on the cross?"
What we sacrifice daily is absolutely miniature to what Christ did to save us on the cross when He did absolutely nothing wrong in His entire human life on this earth. It's easy to forget the excruciating pain He went through on the day of His crucifixion: the lashings, the thorn crown, the reed, the nailing, the hanging. How can I ever fully imagine that kind of pain? Which is exactly why I need to remind myself of His sacrifice daily. We can't imagine it because Jesus already paid our price. That one day, that one sacrifice washed ALL of our sins away if we just repent before the Lord. How powerful is Jesus' blood?! Jesus' sacrifice and courage to love those who killed Him and die for them is beyond anything we have to do on this earth. We are called to simply spread the news of what the Lord did for us on the cross. While thinking over this, I realized how ungrateful I was being by putting my needs before God's. I was idolizing the opinion of others before the opinion of the Lord. I hope that this realization will help me remember the greater picture of God's plan rather than the small, worldly fixations I have with pride. 

With gratitude,
S.Park

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