I know it's kind of weird, but whilst stalking myself on this blog, sifting through my not-so-many posts, I have realized how long my posts have gradually been getting. They started out with simple complaints about being a new college student, to much deeper and emotion-filled content. Maybe I'm just becoming more sensitive lol. Never thought that day would come. Anyways, a particular book in the Bible has constantly been appearing in my daily life this past quarter and throughout this break. Ecclesiastes. I have never even touched that book. I was just minding my own business when this book decided to slap me across the face. It all started with discipleship when Olivia informed me that Ecclesiastes would be the topic of the quarter. Upon reading the first chapter, the words "everything is meaningless" stuck out like an Asian at Cal Poly. WOWZA. Not only have we been going over this book in discipleship, but also in Bible Study and my home church has been going through a series on it, as well. I'm thinking God is telling me something haha. I feel as though this past year has really revealed how much I was living for myself and for the acceptance of other people. Where did God play a role in all of this? There wasn't much room for God when my heart was filled with the thought of fulfilling my own strivings with my own strength. Where will all of my hard work go? To the ground with me when I die. Something that Olivia said that really resonated with me was the fact that future generations, even just two generations later, will not remember me nor what I have done in this life. Shoot, gurl, like, ouch. Soooo why does it matter what people think of me or how I look or the dollar bills I make in the future? It's all meaningless. ALL MEANINGLESS! Though it seems to be a sad reality, there is so much freedom in saying that! Why is it all meaningless? Because we have God, a Savior who loves us for us, and sent His Son to die for us. It's just all this simple, but sin makes it so hard, doesn't it? Now I'm not here to preach about how my life has suddenly turned for the better, and that I am now a completely changed woman. That is not the case. I have chased vanity for my whole, entire life. I have looked at myself and picked out things that I did not like, and I have cursed myself when I didn't get good grades. It is just oh so easy to do. However, day by day, I remind myself of this book. Solomon had everything he could have ever wanted, materialistically. When I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. He had thousands of women, a palace, land, animals, parties. You name it, he had it. However, after having all of these things, he found them all to be meaningless, nothing of worth, nada. So why do I seek after these things? To impress people? To prove to myself that I could do it? I struggle everyday with self-image and the way I look to people, and I know I will continue to struggle with it, quite possibly, for the rest of my life, but I hope that my heart will slowly change towards these worldly things, and focus on what God has done for me. It's a long road ahead, but God works in amazing ways! Also, spring break is over :(, but here's to a new quarter!