Friday, September 29, 2017
Sunday, May 7, 2017
Why I Am a Christian
Wow, this seems like a thing I did ages ago. After months of journaling on this site (and a year of neglecting it), I realized I never introduced why I believe in God and Jesus Christ. I think it's interesting that society has created a picture of what Christians believe, but has not really touched on why Christians believe in the Gospel. I questioned the same thing, too.
I have grown up in the church my entire life. I have my Christian community where everyone understands each other: Christian language easily slips off my tongue, and I'm constantly encouraged and pointed back to the Word of God. We have a mutual understanding that God is good, Jesus is our Lord and Savior, and that we are to proclaim His Name to all the earth. We have coffee dates asking each other how our walks are with the Lord, we encourage each other with Bible verses, we cry and laugh about how God is challenging us and molding us in mysterious ways. I post Instagram photos with a slightly faded filter of some grand view on some tall mountain, and I write about God's faithfulness in every season. Because He is faithful and good and just and merciful and loving, and I felt that those things were true. It was easy for me to maintain and proclaim my faith in this small group of people that love me, accept me, and care for me. Never did I want to share what I believed because it was so much easier keeping it to myself. There is no shame, there is no condemnation, there are no arguments if everyone agrees with you. And all I wanted was to be accepted. All I wanted was for people to love me, but was I loving them the way they deserved? Was I loving God the way He deserved? Believing in God became a culture that I became so attached to, and that's when I started to question why I believed in God in the first place.
I realized that there needed to be a truth. One truth that is right in this world. I know that many people have their own versions of truth, but I never believed that all those truths could be the truth simultaneously. That type of thinking has never occurred to me as a plausible conclusion. Whether it's creation or evolution, there can only be one. Whether it's reincarnation or the resurrection, both cannot coexist, but I didn't want to refuse other possibilities simply because I was stuck on my own. Now, how did I come to my conclusion? There are many reasons why I came to the conclusion I did (aka many late nights watching debates and reading articles and attending conferences) because finding purpose is really important to me. I could not and cannot believe that I have zero purpose. So here I am explaining why I believe what I believe. I hope you don't see this explanation of my views as a way of pushing my convictions onto you. I recognize that I alone have no power to do so. My only hope is that my measly, inadequate explanation would simply, God willing, spark conversation and/or inform others about why I, and other Christians, decided to accept this as our truth.
Before I get into details, here is the Gospel. The focus of the Christian faith. Our proclamation. I believe that God created the world we live in, and that He created man and woman to be perfect. Everything from our physical features to our souls God created, and He created us in His image (perfect). Satan came into the Garden of Eden and tempted Eve, and she fell into sin along with Adam. While God told Adam and Eve what was best for them, He also gave them a choice because God did not and does not want slaves. He did not and does not want robots who simply obey Him because that is their only choice. No, God gave them a choice and they chose to fall into their temptation. Therefore, we were separated from our perfect God as a result of this choice. It wasn't God who chose to separate Himself from us. It's us. I believe in the Trinity: God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit. God, in His mercy, rather than being forever separated from us, sent Jesus down to atone for our sins. The thing that gets me most is that God is capable of anything. That includes getting rid of us and starting over, but He didn't. He sent His son to die for something He didn't do. For sins He didn't commit. That's not all (but wait there's more!). Jesus Christ died on the cross and resurrected from the dead three days later. WHAT?! You heard me. He ascended into Heaven and sits at the right hand of God. I believe that my God is not dead. It's not that God hates us, and He is restricting us from all the good and fun things in life. He knows that, in the end, these things that we continuously seek are meaningless. They do not give us worth or value. Being a child of GOD does.
Here are just three (out of many) reasons I believe that there is a God:
Morally, I believe that there needs to be a starting point. What is considered good and what is considered evil? What is a deed worthy of praise and what is a deed worthy of punishment? I wondered where these ideas came from, and I kept thinking that if a human decided what was good and what was bad, then why can't we? Are we not just as human as they are? Are our opinions not as important as the founders of all moral standards? If so, who are they to tell us what is wrong and what is right, what is good and what is bad? If these things are societally created, why is it that we judge cultural habits, parenting procedures, life decisions, lawbreaking acts, teaching methods, job choices, etc.? Why hasn't someone come out and said "MURDERING IS NOT WRONG!"? I believe that these ideas are not man made, but created by a higher being. Morals and standards and right and wrong are innate because God created man to acknowledge these standardized truths (thank goodness, am I right?).
The Big Bang vs. Creation. Now, I'm not a huge science person, but I do know that the Big Bang is the theory that a lot of high energy and high temperatures created a "Big Bang" and the creation of the universe began, generating the application of the current laws of physics and the arrival of the earliest molecules. These molecules evolved into the universe we know today. For me, this theory sounds like something came from essentially nothing. How did the molecule come to be when there was nothing present that could form such a molecule? Let's talk about sexual organs. Did an asexual organism split into male and female? How? I feel as though that's less effective and efficient, so why did organisms evolve that way? For me, the idea that a being, a Creator, creating the world sounds more plausible than energy and heat creating an explosion that produced living molecules that have transformed into the world we live in now. Is the Big Bang not faith in the unseen, as well? (Please let me know if I got the science wrong, and if you have answers to my questions. That'd be greatly appreciated :) ).
Evil. Now this one's tricky. It's not one that is easy to look over because the presence of human suffering is abundant in our world today, and, oftentimes, I'm confused why God would allow innocent people to suffer in such horrible ways. Whether that's the crisis in Syria, the totalitarian government in North Korea, or cancer, I know that people question how I could believe in a God who allows these things to happen to His people. First, I believe that without evil, there cannot be true goodness. What is the meaning of good without evil? How can we see the magnificence and glory of God if we are blinded by comfort and safety? God did not create suffering, but He does allow suffering to take place. Maybe it's to push us back to the cross, maybe it's to make Him known in other ways. You know why? Eternal suffering in Hell is far worse than our sufferings on this earth. God recognizes this and uses suffering to point us to Him. And if I believe in God, I can't just believe the God who makes me #blessed with stuff. I also have to accept the fact that God is just and the fact that Hell exists. Now I know what you're thinking. Sarah, you've never endured these things, and you wouldn't know what suffering is because you've never truly suffered. How can you speak of suffering so nonchalantly? You'd be absolutely right. I haven't suffered, and I don't want to suffer, and I wish others didn't suffer. I'm ineloquent and inadequate, but, because I have accepted the Gospel I know and proclaim that this life is not mine. This isn't my life to control and waste away. God gave me this life for some reason, and, if I do suffer, I hope I recognize and remember that my purpose is not in my circumstances and not in my lavish life, but in glorifying God and making His name known. WHY? Because He could've gotten rid of me when I committed numerous sins, but He hasn't and He isn't going to.
Again, I do not say these things from an aggressive place. These questions are not directed to attack people with differing views. I simply ask them because these are the questions I have, and they are the questions that led me to the conclusion I am at now. Because I want to see why people believe or disbelieve what they do, I would like others to see what I believe and, more importantly, why I believe it. I hope that people will read this with grace because I do not have all the facts, I am not all knowing, and there is no way I wrote this perfectly. At the end of the day, I just hope that people care enough to seek the truth. If I had the truth locked away in a box, would I be loving my neighbor?
-S.Park
Some resources I found helpful:
Cold Case Christianity by J. Warner Wallace
Rosaria Butterfield and Russell Moore http://www.russellmoore.com/2016/11/25/signposts-conversation-rosaria-butterfield/
I Don't Have Enough Faith to Be an Atheist by Frank Turek
"Unbelievable" podcast with Justin Brierley
I have grown up in the church my entire life. I have my Christian community where everyone understands each other: Christian language easily slips off my tongue, and I'm constantly encouraged and pointed back to the Word of God. We have a mutual understanding that God is good, Jesus is our Lord and Savior, and that we are to proclaim His Name to all the earth. We have coffee dates asking each other how our walks are with the Lord, we encourage each other with Bible verses, we cry and laugh about how God is challenging us and molding us in mysterious ways. I post Instagram photos with a slightly faded filter of some grand view on some tall mountain, and I write about God's faithfulness in every season. Because He is faithful and good and just and merciful and loving, and I felt that those things were true. It was easy for me to maintain and proclaim my faith in this small group of people that love me, accept me, and care for me. Never did I want to share what I believed because it was so much easier keeping it to myself. There is no shame, there is no condemnation, there are no arguments if everyone agrees with you. And all I wanted was to be accepted. All I wanted was for people to love me, but was I loving them the way they deserved? Was I loving God the way He deserved? Believing in God became a culture that I became so attached to, and that's when I started to question why I believed in God in the first place.
I realized that there needed to be a truth. One truth that is right in this world. I know that many people have their own versions of truth, but I never believed that all those truths could be the truth simultaneously. That type of thinking has never occurred to me as a plausible conclusion. Whether it's creation or evolution, there can only be one. Whether it's reincarnation or the resurrection, both cannot coexist, but I didn't want to refuse other possibilities simply because I was stuck on my own. Now, how did I come to my conclusion? There are many reasons why I came to the conclusion I did (aka many late nights watching debates and reading articles and attending conferences) because finding purpose is really important to me. I could not and cannot believe that I have zero purpose. So here I am explaining why I believe what I believe. I hope you don't see this explanation of my views as a way of pushing my convictions onto you. I recognize that I alone have no power to do so. My only hope is that my measly, inadequate explanation would simply, God willing, spark conversation and/or inform others about why I, and other Christians, decided to accept this as our truth.
Before I get into details, here is the Gospel. The focus of the Christian faith. Our proclamation. I believe that God created the world we live in, and that He created man and woman to be perfect. Everything from our physical features to our souls God created, and He created us in His image (perfect). Satan came into the Garden of Eden and tempted Eve, and she fell into sin along with Adam. While God told Adam and Eve what was best for them, He also gave them a choice because God did not and does not want slaves. He did not and does not want robots who simply obey Him because that is their only choice. No, God gave them a choice and they chose to fall into their temptation. Therefore, we were separated from our perfect God as a result of this choice. It wasn't God who chose to separate Himself from us. It's us. I believe in the Trinity: God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit. God, in His mercy, rather than being forever separated from us, sent Jesus down to atone for our sins. The thing that gets me most is that God is capable of anything. That includes getting rid of us and starting over, but He didn't. He sent His son to die for something He didn't do. For sins He didn't commit. That's not all (but wait there's more!). Jesus Christ died on the cross and resurrected from the dead three days later. WHAT?! You heard me. He ascended into Heaven and sits at the right hand of God. I believe that my God is not dead. It's not that God hates us, and He is restricting us from all the good and fun things in life. He knows that, in the end, these things that we continuously seek are meaningless. They do not give us worth or value. Being a child of GOD does.
Here are just three (out of many) reasons I believe that there is a God:
Morally, I believe that there needs to be a starting point. What is considered good and what is considered evil? What is a deed worthy of praise and what is a deed worthy of punishment? I wondered where these ideas came from, and I kept thinking that if a human decided what was good and what was bad, then why can't we? Are we not just as human as they are? Are our opinions not as important as the founders of all moral standards? If so, who are they to tell us what is wrong and what is right, what is good and what is bad? If these things are societally created, why is it that we judge cultural habits, parenting procedures, life decisions, lawbreaking acts, teaching methods, job choices, etc.? Why hasn't someone come out and said "MURDERING IS NOT WRONG!"? I believe that these ideas are not man made, but created by a higher being. Morals and standards and right and wrong are innate because God created man to acknowledge these standardized truths (thank goodness, am I right?).
The Big Bang vs. Creation. Now, I'm not a huge science person, but I do know that the Big Bang is the theory that a lot of high energy and high temperatures created a "Big Bang" and the creation of the universe began, generating the application of the current laws of physics and the arrival of the earliest molecules. These molecules evolved into the universe we know today. For me, this theory sounds like something came from essentially nothing. How did the molecule come to be when there was nothing present that could form such a molecule? Let's talk about sexual organs. Did an asexual organism split into male and female? How? I feel as though that's less effective and efficient, so why did organisms evolve that way? For me, the idea that a being, a Creator, creating the world sounds more plausible than energy and heat creating an explosion that produced living molecules that have transformed into the world we live in now. Is the Big Bang not faith in the unseen, as well? (Please let me know if I got the science wrong, and if you have answers to my questions. That'd be greatly appreciated :) ).
Evil. Now this one's tricky. It's not one that is easy to look over because the presence of human suffering is abundant in our world today, and, oftentimes, I'm confused why God would allow innocent people to suffer in such horrible ways. Whether that's the crisis in Syria, the totalitarian government in North Korea, or cancer, I know that people question how I could believe in a God who allows these things to happen to His people. First, I believe that without evil, there cannot be true goodness. What is the meaning of good without evil? How can we see the magnificence and glory of God if we are blinded by comfort and safety? God did not create suffering, but He does allow suffering to take place. Maybe it's to push us back to the cross, maybe it's to make Him known in other ways. You know why? Eternal suffering in Hell is far worse than our sufferings on this earth. God recognizes this and uses suffering to point us to Him. And if I believe in God, I can't just believe the God who makes me #blessed with stuff. I also have to accept the fact that God is just and the fact that Hell exists. Now I know what you're thinking. Sarah, you've never endured these things, and you wouldn't know what suffering is because you've never truly suffered. How can you speak of suffering so nonchalantly? You'd be absolutely right. I haven't suffered, and I don't want to suffer, and I wish others didn't suffer. I'm ineloquent and inadequate, but, because I have accepted the Gospel I know and proclaim that this life is not mine. This isn't my life to control and waste away. God gave me this life for some reason, and, if I do suffer, I hope I recognize and remember that my purpose is not in my circumstances and not in my lavish life, but in glorifying God and making His name known. WHY? Because He could've gotten rid of me when I committed numerous sins, but He hasn't and He isn't going to.
Again, I do not say these things from an aggressive place. These questions are not directed to attack people with differing views. I simply ask them because these are the questions I have, and they are the questions that led me to the conclusion I am at now. Because I want to see why people believe or disbelieve what they do, I would like others to see what I believe and, more importantly, why I believe it. I hope that people will read this with grace because I do not have all the facts, I am not all knowing, and there is no way I wrote this perfectly. At the end of the day, I just hope that people care enough to seek the truth. If I had the truth locked away in a box, would I be loving my neighbor?
-S.Park
Some resources I found helpful:
Cold Case Christianity by J. Warner Wallace
Rosaria Butterfield and Russell Moore http://www.russellmoore.com/2016/11/25/signposts-conversation-rosaria-butterfield/
I Don't Have Enough Faith to Be an Atheist by Frank Turek
"Unbelievable" podcast with Justin Brierley
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
The End
Yo Friendz,
It's interesting because I started this blog when I was a Freshman in college. Now I am a Senior. Well, I suppose I've already graduated, but a lot of times it doesn't really feel that way. There are times I feel very much like I'm still an undergraduate, serving in ministry, hanging out with my friends, etc. However, when I come back from a long day of teaching, I often feel like a super tired, old grandma who doesn't fit within the mold of young, spritely college students. I feel like I've already started my job and I'm just trying to hang onto my college life as tight as I can. When I'm surrounded by other credential people I feel like I'm catching up to them and when I'm with college students I feel like I don't necessarily belong there either. I think this was even more apparent when graduation photos started to roll around. I know I'm not technically getting a degree, but I know I would regret not taking graduation photos with my friends when I look back in ten years. I felt awkward taking photos with last year's graduation class. In the middle. That seems to be where I've been living this year. Not that that's a bad thing, but it's just a perspective I have never experienced life in.
This year, God's challenged me in a crazy amount of ways. I've had multiple conversations I literally never thought I would have in a million and one years, I have made relationships with the best and the greatest people (both new and old) ever, I have been encouraged to become patient with my own ambitions, I have taught 65 ninth grade munchkins over the course of a year, I passed a 50 page long portfolio, and so much more. I look back and I KNOW it could not have happened without my Savior who gives me strength. It was an exhausting year, and I feel like I've used more energy than I have within me, but I also am leaving knowing that He is good, He is faithful, and He gives me immense gratitude. Therefore, I'm dedicating this blog to those who have encouraged me over the next couple of weeks before I leave for good :)
It's interesting because I started this blog when I was a Freshman in college. Now I am a Senior. Well, I suppose I've already graduated, but a lot of times it doesn't really feel that way. There are times I feel very much like I'm still an undergraduate, serving in ministry, hanging out with my friends, etc. However, when I come back from a long day of teaching, I often feel like a super tired, old grandma who doesn't fit within the mold of young, spritely college students. I feel like I've already started my job and I'm just trying to hang onto my college life as tight as I can. When I'm surrounded by other credential people I feel like I'm catching up to them and when I'm with college students I feel like I don't necessarily belong there either. I think this was even more apparent when graduation photos started to roll around. I know I'm not technically getting a degree, but I know I would regret not taking graduation photos with my friends when I look back in ten years. I felt awkward taking photos with last year's graduation class. In the middle. That seems to be where I've been living this year. Not that that's a bad thing, but it's just a perspective I have never experienced life in.
This year, God's challenged me in a crazy amount of ways. I've had multiple conversations I literally never thought I would have in a million and one years, I have made relationships with the best and the greatest people (both new and old) ever, I have been encouraged to become patient with my own ambitions, I have taught 65 ninth grade munchkins over the course of a year, I passed a 50 page long portfolio, and so much more. I look back and I KNOW it could not have happened without my Savior who gives me strength. It was an exhausting year, and I feel like I've used more energy than I have within me, but I also am leaving knowing that He is good, He is faithful, and He gives me immense gratitude. Therefore, I'm dedicating this blog to those who have encouraged me over the next couple of weeks before I leave for good :)
Friday, January 22, 2016
Process It
There's this endless cycle of me posting consistently and then me completely flying off the face of the planet. There should be a balance, but nah. I guess it's really similar to how I process things, deal with problems, etc. I stack them all up until it's time to break it down. This quarter has been really challenging in a lot of ways, heck, this year in general has been challenging in a lot of ways.
First, school. I took over the two ninth grade classes we have in the schedule, and it has been a ton of fun, sometimes discouraging, always rewarding. Through this experience, I realized students don't just misbehave for the sake of it. They aren't closed off because they don't like me, but more times than not, they have a need for attention. Maybe they have bad situations at home, maybe they have a disability, maybe they lack confidence, maybe they are being bullied. I don't know what goes one behind the scenes and within their minds, but I can be gracious, understanding, and, more than anything, patient. Although we all know that is often hard to do. Love what you do and do it well. That's something I'm still learning to do. Endurance is really important. I need more stamina.
Second, ministry. I think it was hard for me to make time for people outside of discipleship and my close friends because there just isn't enough time in a day for me to do so. I felt guilty for not investing myself in deeper relationships with underclassmen, but I realized I'm one person and it's okay for me to take things step by step. Also, planning LG has been really awesome but really challenging at the same time. Vision planning is super humbling and it makes me realize how much we have to depend on God to move in our ministry. It's really all Him. Motivation. What motivates me? I think a heart check is always needed and necessary. I honestly have so so much respect for those who are invested and believe in what God can do through our little movement :') Although logistics will fail us, He never does. I'm overcome by love for my brothers and sisters in my ministry, and I am blessed to be able to do life with them. I realize God can move mountains with a rock, what makes me doubt He can move in our imperfect ministry? Less of me, more of Him.
Where am I? I'm jumping in and out of focusing on things seen and attempting to shift my attention towards eternal perspective, the things unseen but reliable. There are plenty of times I'm dissatisfied in my situation. There are times I wonder why certain emotions are placed in my mind and they often leave me frustrated. I don't know why, but I know through it all, He is sovereign. It's honestly a constant reminder. I have to remember I'm not and cannot be perfect. Striving to be perfect is an imperfection in itself. I was thinking about the fall of man and I realized the weight of our Father's love for us. He could have easily created perfect beings who stayed without sin, praising Him the way He deserves to be. He chose us. Why? How much must our Father love us. CRAZY!!
I don't even know,
S. Park
Where am I? I'm jumping in and out of focusing on things seen and attempting to shift my attention towards eternal perspective, the things unseen but reliable. There are plenty of times I'm dissatisfied in my situation. There are times I wonder why certain emotions are placed in my mind and they often leave me frustrated. I don't know why, but I know through it all, He is sovereign. It's honestly a constant reminder. I have to remember I'm not and cannot be perfect. Striving to be perfect is an imperfection in itself. I was thinking about the fall of man and I realized the weight of our Father's love for us. He could have easily created perfect beings who stayed without sin, praising Him the way He deserves to be. He chose us. Why? How much must our Father love us. CRAZY!!
I don't even know,
S. Park
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Let Worship Be for His Glory
It's that time of the month, party people,
Ministry. Wow. There are so many aspects of leading in a ministry that I have never considered or thought about before this year. I've never really realized it before this year, but I realized I'm pretty prideful. Or rather, I take pride as a defense mechanism. I think there are many times I want to serve to prove to God and man that I am capable of doing everything well. In this, I take pride and this pride leads to feeling threatened when someone else does the job better or more efficiently. Rather than learning from other people and seeking to being teachable, my mind goes into survival mode or something. Beat everyone out so that I can feel like I'm worth something. Above all else, I try to please and impress man over God.
An area that this is most prominent is worship. Worship is a response. A response to the unending love, grace, compassion, strength, justice God has. An act of thanksgiving for all that He has done, is doing, and will do in the future. However, for the longest time I was simply thinking about myself. How do I sound today? Which songs make me sound nice? Do people like the way I sound? Which songs will the group like? Oh no, I messed up. How will I make it up? This can go on and on, and these are all thoughts I had every time I picked up a mic to sing in front of large group. That was something I was afraid of confessing for a long time. I would tell the worship team "Let's do this for God and not for ourselves or our own glorification" and I knew that was right, I wanted that. That wasn't my reality, though. This year has been extremely eye opening and humbling. I can't imagine how patient God is with me when I am called to worship Him. I would be so frustrated if everyone I loved faced a different direction, yet He still calls for me. What a gracious, gracious God.
Ministry. Wow. There are so many aspects of leading in a ministry that I have never considered or thought about before this year. I've never really realized it before this year, but I realized I'm pretty prideful. Or rather, I take pride as a defense mechanism. I think there are many times I want to serve to prove to God and man that I am capable of doing everything well. In this, I take pride and this pride leads to feeling threatened when someone else does the job better or more efficiently. Rather than learning from other people and seeking to being teachable, my mind goes into survival mode or something. Beat everyone out so that I can feel like I'm worth something. Above all else, I try to please and impress man over God.
An area that this is most prominent is worship. Worship is a response. A response to the unending love, grace, compassion, strength, justice God has. An act of thanksgiving for all that He has done, is doing, and will do in the future. However, for the longest time I was simply thinking about myself. How do I sound today? Which songs make me sound nice? Do people like the way I sound? Which songs will the group like? Oh no, I messed up. How will I make it up? This can go on and on, and these are all thoughts I had every time I picked up a mic to sing in front of large group. That was something I was afraid of confessing for a long time. I would tell the worship team "Let's do this for God and not for ourselves or our own glorification" and I knew that was right, I wanted that. That wasn't my reality, though. This year has been extremely eye opening and humbling. I can't imagine how patient God is with me when I am called to worship Him. I would be so frustrated if everyone I loved faced a different direction, yet He still calls for me. What a gracious, gracious God.
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Winning and Losing
Hi friends,
I didn't even notice that almost a month has gone by since writing on my blog. Life has been... tiring? I told myself that I wouldn't focus so heavily on my tiredness because I realized dwelling on how much sleep I need always consumes the good things that happen throughout my day. I'm finally 21 which has been exciting, I guess, but mostly because I get to go to Tot Night and get TATOR TOTS YAY! Quick story. So I was leading worship a week ago, and I get a text from one of the leaders, Michael Golahi, saying "worship leader's meeting tonight at 5 pm," to which I replied "Okay, sounds good!" All chipper and such. Then I do my thing and, eventually, I get another long text that basically read, "I have a group meeting and have to push the meeting back to 11 pm." I literally got on my knees and wailed for a second because I had early morning class the next day. Need to get my beauty rest the day before my birthday, ya know? I did everything I could to get out of it. "Can I meet you tomorrow?" "Can I meet with the other worship leader?" "Can I talk on the phone?" but to no avail. He was persistent. Now, other people told me that this was so obvious, but I honestly didn't think anything of it. I wouldn't put an 11 o'clock meeting past some of these guys LOL. I did have a little inkling of an idea that it could have POSSIBLY been a surprise party, but ever so slight. When I arrived at the door I see the lights on, and I automatically tuck away any thoughts of it being a surprise. I heard Harrison's voice saying, "Sarah, you're late man." It was 10:58. I came storming through the door yelling "It's only 10:58! What do you mean I'm late?" and suddenly I am bombarded by people yelling "SURPRISE!" I literally crouched down and yelled. It was such a shock that so many people were together in one room to celebrate me. Big shoutout to my girl Shaina, my co BVo, and poor Michael Golahi (sorry!!). It was something I will never ever forget :)
I think that something I've been learning is to not let my tiredness keep me from investing in valuable relationships. It's been pretty hard coming home late at night and not want to hop into bed and knock out, but I also realized that my friendships are worth it, no? They have invested in me more than I am deserving of, and I tend to do what my laziness tells me to. I use my busyness as an excuse. It's a sense of pride, as well. "Look how much I am capable of doing." "Look how much I am growing." But am I really? Am I really growing from my responsibilities or am I spiritually regressing? Being spiritually honest and aware has been a really beneficial change, knowing where I am weak, knowing I need unending grace. Lord, I need you. Week 6 here we go... :)
-S.Park
I didn't even notice that almost a month has gone by since writing on my blog. Life has been... tiring? I told myself that I wouldn't focus so heavily on my tiredness because I realized dwelling on how much sleep I need always consumes the good things that happen throughout my day. I'm finally 21 which has been exciting, I guess, but mostly because I get to go to Tot Night and get TATOR TOTS YAY! Quick story. So I was leading worship a week ago, and I get a text from one of the leaders, Michael Golahi, saying "worship leader's meeting tonight at 5 pm," to which I replied "Okay, sounds good!" All chipper and such. Then I do my thing and, eventually, I get another long text that basically read, "I have a group meeting and have to push the meeting back to 11 pm." I literally got on my knees and wailed for a second because I had early morning class the next day. Need to get my beauty rest the day before my birthday, ya know? I did everything I could to get out of it. "Can I meet you tomorrow?" "Can I meet with the other worship leader?" "Can I talk on the phone?" but to no avail. He was persistent. Now, other people told me that this was so obvious, but I honestly didn't think anything of it. I wouldn't put an 11 o'clock meeting past some of these guys LOL. I did have a little inkling of an idea that it could have POSSIBLY been a surprise party, but ever so slight. When I arrived at the door I see the lights on, and I automatically tuck away any thoughts of it being a surprise. I heard Harrison's voice saying, "Sarah, you're late man." It was 10:58. I came storming through the door yelling "It's only 10:58! What do you mean I'm late?" and suddenly I am bombarded by people yelling "SURPRISE!" I literally crouched down and yelled. It was such a shock that so many people were together in one room to celebrate me. Big shoutout to my girl Shaina, my co BVo, and poor Michael Golahi (sorry!!). It was something I will never ever forget :)
I think that something I've been learning is to not let my tiredness keep me from investing in valuable relationships. It's been pretty hard coming home late at night and not want to hop into bed and knock out, but I also realized that my friendships are worth it, no? They have invested in me more than I am deserving of, and I tend to do what my laziness tells me to. I use my busyness as an excuse. It's a sense of pride, as well. "Look how much I am capable of doing." "Look how much I am growing." But am I really? Am I really growing from my responsibilities or am I spiritually regressing? Being spiritually honest and aware has been a really beneficial change, knowing where I am weak, knowing I need unending grace. Lord, I need you. Week 6 here we go... :)
-S.Park
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Simply Compassionate
Hello party people (and potato people),
I survived the first week of fall quarter! YEAHHH. For the first five weeks of early start school, we only had class at night Mon/Wed after a full day at our respective high/middle schools. Beginning this week, we have class on Mon/Wed/Fri and we only go to our school sites Tues/Thurs :( Although, I admit, getting myself to a high school thirty minutes away hasn't been the most ideal (I like my sleep), being at the school site excites me. Everyday I find out something new about individual students, and working with them gives me a glimpse of what I'll be doing in, hopefully, a year. It's so cute when they ask me where I've been and why I've been coming less after this quarter started. This week was especially uplifting. On Tuesday my co-teacher asked me to teach a mini lesson to the freshmen on The Odyssey, referencing the movie La Bestia to make the book applicable to current events. I asked them a fairly simple question, expecting a relatively simple answer. "What is an example of an odyssey you or your family members went through?" I honestly wasn't ready for the answers they shared. I was shocked, horrified, and incredibly, incredibly proud. The freshmen are a pretty quiet bunch, and many of them don't even like sharing SAT practice answers. It took a while for me to find a student open enough to share a small journey they've been through. Honestly, I felt like they were going to say something along the lines of "The transition from middle to high school was a journey I've been through" or "The journey to this class was a hard one. I had to wake up early." While many of them passed, we finally got one willing student. His answer left me speechless. Without getting into too much detail, he basically shared about his home life, the many men that have come and gone from his life, the brokenness of his mother. One by one I heard stories of students immigrating from Mexico, living without family from a different country to learn English, learning that the man they thought was their father wasn't. My heart dropped. I didn't know how to respond to these heartfelt and personal stories. I can't relate to these students in the least bit. I grew up in a stable home, I had both of my parents present, I grew up in this country (this state), and I've been comfortable. How am I worthy of educating these students? I'm not, but I am committing myself to listening, comforting, and pouring care into these students. A degree in English doesn't cut it. It doesn't make you an educator. Hopefully moments like this will remind me to be a constant and compassionate teacher. I pray that God will give me the endurance and a sensitive heart for these students. I love them so so much (although I'm pretty sure they would think that's creepy). Wow... I don't even know how to express what I'm feeling. I wonder what next week will bring :)
Humbled,
S.Park
I survived the first week of fall quarter! YEAHHH. For the first five weeks of early start school, we only had class at night Mon/Wed after a full day at our respective high/middle schools. Beginning this week, we have class on Mon/Wed/Fri and we only go to our school sites Tues/Thurs :( Although, I admit, getting myself to a high school thirty minutes away hasn't been the most ideal (I like my sleep), being at the school site excites me. Everyday I find out something new about individual students, and working with them gives me a glimpse of what I'll be doing in, hopefully, a year. It's so cute when they ask me where I've been and why I've been coming less after this quarter started. This week was especially uplifting. On Tuesday my co-teacher asked me to teach a mini lesson to the freshmen on The Odyssey, referencing the movie La Bestia to make the book applicable to current events. I asked them a fairly simple question, expecting a relatively simple answer. "What is an example of an odyssey you or your family members went through?" I honestly wasn't ready for the answers they shared. I was shocked, horrified, and incredibly, incredibly proud. The freshmen are a pretty quiet bunch, and many of them don't even like sharing SAT practice answers. It took a while for me to find a student open enough to share a small journey they've been through. Honestly, I felt like they were going to say something along the lines of "The transition from middle to high school was a journey I've been through" or "The journey to this class was a hard one. I had to wake up early." While many of them passed, we finally got one willing student. His answer left me speechless. Without getting into too much detail, he basically shared about his home life, the many men that have come and gone from his life, the brokenness of his mother. One by one I heard stories of students immigrating from Mexico, living without family from a different country to learn English, learning that the man they thought was their father wasn't. My heart dropped. I didn't know how to respond to these heartfelt and personal stories. I can't relate to these students in the least bit. I grew up in a stable home, I had both of my parents present, I grew up in this country (this state), and I've been comfortable. How am I worthy of educating these students? I'm not, but I am committing myself to listening, comforting, and pouring care into these students. A degree in English doesn't cut it. It doesn't make you an educator. Hopefully moments like this will remind me to be a constant and compassionate teacher. I pray that God will give me the endurance and a sensitive heart for these students. I love them so so much (although I'm pretty sure they would think that's creepy). Wow... I don't even know how to express what I'm feeling. I wonder what next week will bring :)
Humbled,
S.Park
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Take Heart
Hello!
Wow, this has been a whirlwind of a week and it's only Wednesday! Something I need to confess right off the bat is that I believed that leadership would put me on a pedestal. A kind of "I did everything I needed to do in this ministry to get where I am now" attitude. What a selfish thing to do, right? What a pride-filled state of mind. I thought that reaching leadership was a three step process. 1) Join and become involved in the ministry. 2) Become a Bible Study leader. 3) Get asked to be on Core. I think what's keeping me most accountable at this point is just looking through the actual state of my heart, and recognizing how unbiblical it is. Though one could say our ministry is going to major changes, which also has the potential to increase conflicts, reach decisions slower, and be all around chaotic, Jesus never asks us to be comfortable in our faith. Comfort brings spiritual stagnation. How can we be called a MOVEMENT if we're stagnant? I'm so excited to be a part of this change because it reminds me that I am not in this movement to be glorified. I am not in this movement to have a high position. I am not in this movement to continue tradition. I am not in this movement to save people myself. I am in this movement to WIN, BUILD, and SEND Christ-centered disciples into the world apart from our college campus THROUGH Christ. If this system will better serve those who are seeking the Lord, then who am I to resist that? I pray we don't lose our purpose and vision in the logistics. I need TONS of accountability. I was utterly convicted when I realized how many leadership roles I lack. I need to resist the temptation to let out anger towards others, love those who I don't necessarily "click" with, consistently seek alone time with God, and many more. However, I am also blessed with many brothers and sisters who can keep me accountable. Though it was mentally draining taking in all the new information, I am so excited to be a part of this collaborative bunch who wholly love the Lord and seek to know and be more like Him.
John 16:33
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
-S.Park
Wow, this has been a whirlwind of a week and it's only Wednesday! Something I need to confess right off the bat is that I believed that leadership would put me on a pedestal. A kind of "I did everything I needed to do in this ministry to get where I am now" attitude. What a selfish thing to do, right? What a pride-filled state of mind. I thought that reaching leadership was a three step process. 1) Join and become involved in the ministry. 2) Become a Bible Study leader. 3) Get asked to be on Core. I think what's keeping me most accountable at this point is just looking through the actual state of my heart, and recognizing how unbiblical it is. Though one could say our ministry is going to major changes, which also has the potential to increase conflicts, reach decisions slower, and be all around chaotic, Jesus never asks us to be comfortable in our faith. Comfort brings spiritual stagnation. How can we be called a MOVEMENT if we're stagnant? I'm so excited to be a part of this change because it reminds me that I am not in this movement to be glorified. I am not in this movement to have a high position. I am not in this movement to continue tradition. I am not in this movement to save people myself. I am in this movement to WIN, BUILD, and SEND Christ-centered disciples into the world apart from our college campus THROUGH Christ. If this system will better serve those who are seeking the Lord, then who am I to resist that? I pray we don't lose our purpose and vision in the logistics. I need TONS of accountability. I was utterly convicted when I realized how many leadership roles I lack. I need to resist the temptation to let out anger towards others, love those who I don't necessarily "click" with, consistently seek alone time with God, and many more. However, I am also blessed with many brothers and sisters who can keep me accountable. Though it was mentally draining taking in all the new information, I am so excited to be a part of this collaborative bunch who wholly love the Lord and seek to know and be more like Him.
John 16:33
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
-S.Park
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Week 4
Heyo amigos!
So I am currently in my second week at the High School. I survived the first day of class (9th, 10th, and 12th graders whew), and I really enjoyed getting to know the students as they opened up about what they think makes a good or bad teacher. Many of them said what I expected them to say: "I like teachers who care about us. I hate teachers who just give us worksheets." It's super incredible seeing how open the students are (mostly 9th graders) on their family lives back home. To be honest, I can't relate to them because I had a stable background while I was growing up. All I can do is motivate them to look past the obstacles, but that's so much easier said than done. One student shared about how her mom left her the week before, and her father is unsupportive of her. Another talked about how his mom's boyfriend was abusive, and they had to escape for the sake of safety. I love hearing their stories as they creatively write their experiences in the "Hero's Journey" project we're working on. Every student is so creative when you push them to think a little harder. Expecting more from these students increases their own motivation to push themselves away from what society has always expected them capable of. Of course, there are the rowdy "I don't care what you say" students, but even they try when you speak to them one-on-one, seeking to fill their needs. I love it and love it!
Canada:
This summer my family and I traveled to Vancouver, Whistler, Banff, Jasper, and Calgary in the sweet country, Canada. I love and miss it terribly. Traveling with my family is always so awesome, and I am blessed to have experienced the things I have in my lifetime with them. Every city we went to was completely different. Whistler was filled with mountain bikers and a cute village where we ate appetizers outside, Vancouver is a bustling city with the BEST view up from our hotel room, Banff and Jasper were AMAZING the beauty of the Rocky Mountains is incomparable to anything I've ever seen before, and Calgary has a huge tower with glass walls. Every city was a vacation in it of itself, and words cannot do justice to what I experienced there. UNTIL NEXT TIME, CANADA!
So I am currently in my second week at the High School. I survived the first day of class (9th, 10th, and 12th graders whew), and I really enjoyed getting to know the students as they opened up about what they think makes a good or bad teacher. Many of them said what I expected them to say: "I like teachers who care about us. I hate teachers who just give us worksheets." It's super incredible seeing how open the students are (mostly 9th graders) on their family lives back home. To be honest, I can't relate to them because I had a stable background while I was growing up. All I can do is motivate them to look past the obstacles, but that's so much easier said than done. One student shared about how her mom left her the week before, and her father is unsupportive of her. Another talked about how his mom's boyfriend was abusive, and they had to escape for the sake of safety. I love hearing their stories as they creatively write their experiences in the "Hero's Journey" project we're working on. Every student is so creative when you push them to think a little harder. Expecting more from these students increases their own motivation to push themselves away from what society has always expected them capable of. Of course, there are the rowdy "I don't care what you say" students, but even they try when you speak to them one-on-one, seeking to fill their needs. I love it and love it!
Canada:
This summer my family and I traveled to Vancouver, Whistler, Banff, Jasper, and Calgary in the sweet country, Canada. I love and miss it terribly. Traveling with my family is always so awesome, and I am blessed to have experienced the things I have in my lifetime with them. Every city we went to was completely different. Whistler was filled with mountain bikers and a cute village where we ate appetizers outside, Vancouver is a bustling city with the BEST view up from our hotel room, Banff and Jasper were AMAZING the beauty of the Rocky Mountains is incomparable to anything I've ever seen before, and Calgary has a huge tower with glass walls. Every city was a vacation in it of itself, and words cannot do justice to what I experienced there. UNTIL NEXT TIME, CANADA!
Whistler, Canada
Rockies
Capilano Cliff Walk
Best Chinese Bakery in Vancouver!
Lake Maligne
The prettiest waterfall
Yeah, we kayaked in front of the Rockies
Ice walk
Calgary, Canada
Thursday, August 13, 2015
New Beginnings
Hello fellow peeps!
It's been a while... A long, long while since I posted on my blog. It's not that I don't care about posting on this page, but I think that the momentum of finishing school last year carried over to the amount of time I focused on things like blogging. I don't think I'm someone who likes to externally think through the happenings of my ever so exciting (not exciting) life. I GRADUATED! So that's a thing. I also started a new teaching credential program this past Monday, and, so far, I've been loving it. The people are all interested in the same path as I am, invested in classes/students/schools, and the professors are genuinely passionate about teaching. I believe that getting into this program, passing all my tests, making all my deadlines were guided by God. There were so many times I felt helpless, convinced that I wouldn't get the spot, but in every step God revealed His intentions for me, opened all the right doors at the right time, and it humbled me to see that I don't have control over my life. I start student teaching next Thursday, and I am SO EXCITED to meet the students. The school that I'm working for actually has a lot of struggling students who didn't grow up in well-to-do families, and are expected to work jobs straight out of high school to support their families. After a mission trip to the inner city, my heart has grown for students who don't have stable backgrounds, and I hope that the support course I'm student teaching for goes well :). I'll keep this updated during my journey through the program!
Summer Part I (Every post I write in the upcoming weeks, I'll include a snippet of summer activities):
Utah Mission Trip:
Wow... My arrogant, prideful mindset was completely shattered after this mission trip. We went to Manti, Utah to minister to Latter Day Saints at one of the biggest LDS events, the Manti Pageant. No, not a beauty pageant, but more of a play based on the beginnings of the Mormon religion. I didn't really know much about the LDS religion, but it was really awesome to learn more about their mindset behind believing what they do. At the same time, I was heartbroken that they are so focused on good works, believing that the cross is not enough to redeem them of their sin. I pray that we were able to leave a "stone in their shoe," or leave them with a question that makes them question the truth of their faith. I was encouraged by their willingness to talk about spiritual topics, but at the same time, seeing them get so defensive and angry at our questions saddened me. This is all they know. This is all they were raised to believe, but there is a truth so much greater. I hope they are able to see that we aren't able to do anything to reach Heaven, but only through the truth of Jesus Christ alone, GRACE ALONE, can we live with our Heavenly Father for eternity.
It's been a while... A long, long while since I posted on my blog. It's not that I don't care about posting on this page, but I think that the momentum of finishing school last year carried over to the amount of time I focused on things like blogging. I don't think I'm someone who likes to externally think through the happenings of my ever so exciting (not exciting) life. I GRADUATED! So that's a thing. I also started a new teaching credential program this past Monday, and, so far, I've been loving it. The people are all interested in the same path as I am, invested in classes/students/schools, and the professors are genuinely passionate about teaching. I believe that getting into this program, passing all my tests, making all my deadlines were guided by God. There were so many times I felt helpless, convinced that I wouldn't get the spot, but in every step God revealed His intentions for me, opened all the right doors at the right time, and it humbled me to see that I don't have control over my life. I start student teaching next Thursday, and I am SO EXCITED to meet the students. The school that I'm working for actually has a lot of struggling students who didn't grow up in well-to-do families, and are expected to work jobs straight out of high school to support their families. After a mission trip to the inner city, my heart has grown for students who don't have stable backgrounds, and I hope that the support course I'm student teaching for goes well :). I'll keep this updated during my journey through the program!
Summer Part I (Every post I write in the upcoming weeks, I'll include a snippet of summer activities):
Utah Mission Trip:
Wow... My arrogant, prideful mindset was completely shattered after this mission trip. We went to Manti, Utah to minister to Latter Day Saints at one of the biggest LDS events, the Manti Pageant. No, not a beauty pageant, but more of a play based on the beginnings of the Mormon religion. I didn't really know much about the LDS religion, but it was really awesome to learn more about their mindset behind believing what they do. At the same time, I was heartbroken that they are so focused on good works, believing that the cross is not enough to redeem them of their sin. I pray that we were able to leave a "stone in their shoe," or leave them with a question that makes them question the truth of their faith. I was encouraged by their willingness to talk about spiritual topics, but at the same time, seeing them get so defensive and angry at our questions saddened me. This is all they know. This is all they were raised to believe, but there is a truth so much greater. I hope they are able to see that we aren't able to do anything to reach Heaven, but only through the truth of Jesus Christ alone, GRACE ALONE, can we live with our Heavenly Father for eternity.
Manti, Utah
Salt Lake City
The Kaleo House
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Struggles of Identity
Sometimes I am surprised at how much of a sinner I am.
Today I got a midterm back in an English class. A class that isn't only filled with English majors, but with majors of all sorts. I felt like I needed to prove myself in this class because why should I be an English major if I can't get the grades to validate it? What made me qualified to be an English major? Well, I got smacked in the tush today. I think I've always waited for the day or the moment I would be slapped when it came to my grades. Freshmen and Sophomore year made me overly confident in my work. I thought I could be bold and confident in those classes because I was doing so well, but internally, I feared the day I would bomb a test or fail a class or say something stupid in class. Them English majors judge you hard core, naw'm sayin? It was bound to happen, right? I'm not saying that it has come to that, but I really felt inferior today as I sat there with my midterm and the fiery letter grade staring at me. It hit me really hard. Every time I do poorly on an essay, I sit there with tears welling up in my eyes because I feel like I'm worth nothing more than the grade that categorizes me. Dramatic, I know. It's the sad truth, though. My identity has become my grades, my looks, my personality, the clever things I can come up with on social media. Whenever I feel like I have failed in any of those categories, I internally curse myself. Well maybe not the social media part, but everything else. It's one bad grade, and I am literally contemplating my place as an English major. I am OBSESSED with the idea of proving myself. I don't even know why I am so obsessed with my grades. Even in high school, after everyone had given up their grades after being accepted into colleges, I felt a need to continue turning in all my homework and get A's in all my classes. At the root of it, I am self critical because I am trying to use grades as a way to justify my worth in society. How do I turn that self critical attitude into one that finds joy in studying? God gave us the opportunity to come to school and study and become refined young men and women. Why am I feeling so miserable? To be honest, I don't really know. How do I turn my heart completely towards God during this time?
We have been blessed with every spiritual blessing ever from God. I think just the realization of this doesn't necessarily mean drop out of school, but it doesn't tie you down by the weight of grades and performance because God will equip you with what you need. He has given us His inheritance! What else do you need? I think that fact is something to consider and dwell on.
Happy Studying,
S. Park
Today I got a midterm back in an English class. A class that isn't only filled with English majors, but with majors of all sorts. I felt like I needed to prove myself in this class because why should I be an English major if I can't get the grades to validate it? What made me qualified to be an English major? Well, I got smacked in the tush today. I think I've always waited for the day or the moment I would be slapped when it came to my grades. Freshmen and Sophomore year made me overly confident in my work. I thought I could be bold and confident in those classes because I was doing so well, but internally, I feared the day I would bomb a test or fail a class or say something stupid in class. Them English majors judge you hard core, naw'm sayin? It was bound to happen, right? I'm not saying that it has come to that, but I really felt inferior today as I sat there with my midterm and the fiery letter grade staring at me. It hit me really hard. Every time I do poorly on an essay, I sit there with tears welling up in my eyes because I feel like I'm worth nothing more than the grade that categorizes me. Dramatic, I know. It's the sad truth, though. My identity has become my grades, my looks, my personality, the clever things I can come up with on social media. Whenever I feel like I have failed in any of those categories, I internally curse myself. Well maybe not the social media part, but everything else. It's one bad grade, and I am literally contemplating my place as an English major. I am OBSESSED with the idea of proving myself. I don't even know why I am so obsessed with my grades. Even in high school, after everyone had given up their grades after being accepted into colleges, I felt a need to continue turning in all my homework and get A's in all my classes. At the root of it, I am self critical because I am trying to use grades as a way to justify my worth in society. How do I turn that self critical attitude into one that finds joy in studying? God gave us the opportunity to come to school and study and become refined young men and women. Why am I feeling so miserable? To be honest, I don't really know. How do I turn my heart completely towards God during this time?
Ephesians 1:3-4
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, ...
We have been blessed with every spiritual blessing ever from God. I think just the realization of this doesn't necessarily mean drop out of school, but it doesn't tie you down by the weight of grades and performance because God will equip you with what you need. He has given us His inheritance! What else do you need? I think that fact is something to consider and dwell on.
Happy Studying,
S. Park
Friday, February 27, 2015
Got Your Back
Hello,
I have so been avoiding this blog like the plague. Writing a blog post definitely calls for some reminiscing and processing yada yada aka I need to use my brain and control my feelings and all that good stuff. It's been a hard quarter so far. I think it's really hitting hard that I'm graduating this year. Though I'm not going to necessarily miss my classes, I'm going to miss the community here that I found not so long ago. I'm so sad that I need to start from the ground up again when I feel like I just started to feel a sense of belonging. Yes, I'm excited to start my new journey in teaching, but I still feel like I need a few years before I venture off into the real world. As career fair was a couple weeks ago, I felt an escalated feeling of inferiority to people who got internships with big tech or business companies. Though I continue to tell myself that God blesses people in different ways through different outlets, it's hard to feel a detachment from this feeling. I have a problem with feeling inferior in many aspects of my life. My problems, my ideas, my insecurities always seem to be less important than everyone else's. I was expressing this to Liv during discipleship and what she said encouraged me so much. We're hardest on ourselves. Though we think that people will judge us and call us stupid for the mistakes we make, our friends want more than anything to encourage us and help us carry the burden. Also, I've realized how the negativity I have towards myself translates how I view others. I want to be more encouraging and loving to others, and I hope that this quarter will be one that brings more of that rather than judgment.
-break-
The above portion I wrote about a month ago. That's how much I've been avoiding this processing process. Honestly, I didn't even go back to read what I wrote. Writing about what I'm going through hasn't been the easiest thing to do. I feel very unsure of where I am called to be. School's hard, life's hard, but I think everyone goes through that, and I know I need a stronger, more persistent heart. I'm drowning in work, but I know that God still loves me and wants to pursue me, though I choose to avoid Him. What's crazy, that I have been really thinking about, is the way God loves us. We are like those "friends" who continuously manipulate, ignore, and stab us in the back. Who likes or cares for those friends, let alone die for them? Forget about it! I want so much to seek and love the Lord the way He loves us, though, obviously, His love is unfathomable. HE JUST LOVES US SO MUCH! As much as I want to be perfect. Perfection wears us down. We drown in the impossibility of perfection. Though I've held on to attaining perfection for so long, I am learning to let go.
With a lighter load,
S. Park
I have so been avoiding this blog like the plague. Writing a blog post definitely calls for some reminiscing and processing yada yada aka I need to use my brain and control my feelings and all that good stuff. It's been a hard quarter so far. I think it's really hitting hard that I'm graduating this year. Though I'm not going to necessarily miss my classes, I'm going to miss the community here that I found not so long ago. I'm so sad that I need to start from the ground up again when I feel like I just started to feel a sense of belonging. Yes, I'm excited to start my new journey in teaching, but I still feel like I need a few years before I venture off into the real world. As career fair was a couple weeks ago, I felt an escalated feeling of inferiority to people who got internships with big tech or business companies. Though I continue to tell myself that God blesses people in different ways through different outlets, it's hard to feel a detachment from this feeling. I have a problem with feeling inferior in many aspects of my life. My problems, my ideas, my insecurities always seem to be less important than everyone else's. I was expressing this to Liv during discipleship and what she said encouraged me so much. We're hardest on ourselves. Though we think that people will judge us and call us stupid for the mistakes we make, our friends want more than anything to encourage us and help us carry the burden. Also, I've realized how the negativity I have towards myself translates how I view others. I want to be more encouraging and loving to others, and I hope that this quarter will be one that brings more of that rather than judgment.
-break-
The above portion I wrote about a month ago. That's how much I've been avoiding this processing process. Honestly, I didn't even go back to read what I wrote. Writing about what I'm going through hasn't been the easiest thing to do. I feel very unsure of where I am called to be. School's hard, life's hard, but I think everyone goes through that, and I know I need a stronger, more persistent heart. I'm drowning in work, but I know that God still loves me and wants to pursue me, though I choose to avoid Him. What's crazy, that I have been really thinking about, is the way God loves us. We are like those "friends" who continuously manipulate, ignore, and stab us in the back. Who likes or cares for those friends, let alone die for them? Forget about it! I want so much to seek and love the Lord the way He loves us, though, obviously, His love is unfathomable. HE JUST LOVES US SO MUCH! As much as I want to be perfect. Perfection wears us down. We drown in the impossibility of perfection. Though I've held on to attaining perfection for so long, I am learning to let go.
With a lighter load,
S. Park
Monday, December 15, 2014
Possibly, Probably Peace
Hello,
I am at home! Getting back into the 9pm-7am sleeping schedule, eating mama-made Korean food, and rolling around doing whatever I want because guess what? IT'S WINTER BREAK, Y'ALL! I am so relieved this past quarter is over and done, though I have yet to find out my grades (cue death music). I think processing this quarter has brought a lot of things into the light. Laying out all of the options I have for my future, I think I am most at peace with opportunities in the educational system. Sure, a nice, steady job in some big company would be awesome, but I think my desire to be hired in such a company was rooted in pride. As I have mentioned in some of my previous posts, I felt as though I was looked down upon for being an English major. Sure, I say that their words don't matter and that I'm not affected by them, but I am. I do care what people think about me. Of course I want people to respect me. Of course I want people to think I'm an intelligent person. Who wouldn't? Being hired at a company with a name would help me prove myself, right? Eh... I'm not so sure about that anymore. My obsession with the thoughts of others, which I don't even know to be true, have hindered me from looking at my strengths. With that, I honestly believe education is the route for me. Ever since San Francisco missions after my Freshmen year of college, I longed to serve at an urban school. Children are forced into gangs to support their families at the ripe old age of 7. Shocking, I know. I want to help students find something they are passionate about, strengths worth pursuing, outlets that don't involve violence. My high school English teachers constantly challenged me in ways that eventually made me love a subject I previously hated. I want that. Of course, economic stability, wealth, status are all fine and dandy, but I was looking at these God-given blessings without God in the picture at all. It took me a long time to let go of my materialistic, pride-driven desires to realize this. I definitely respect those working in business making our world technologically and economically possible, you all are extremely intelligent and talented in ways that my brain cannot fathom, but I just think everyone was gifted in different ways to do different things. Different passions may come with a lot of money or none at all, but I hope I learn to use my talents in ways that are glorifying to God, advancing His Kingdom rather than focusing on worldly expectations. Maybe God's mission field for me is within the school, while another's is in the workplace. I am so afraid of taking risks, making big decisions, but I think/hope this is right. Constant prayer is definitely mandatory. I just have to get through applications... Oh golly real life is so close. ACKKK...
Putting on her big girl pants,
S.Park
I am at home! Getting back into the 9pm-7am sleeping schedule, eating mama-made Korean food, and rolling around doing whatever I want because guess what? IT'S WINTER BREAK, Y'ALL! I am so relieved this past quarter is over and done, though I have yet to find out my grades (cue death music). I think processing this quarter has brought a lot of things into the light. Laying out all of the options I have for my future, I think I am most at peace with opportunities in the educational system. Sure, a nice, steady job in some big company would be awesome, but I think my desire to be hired in such a company was rooted in pride. As I have mentioned in some of my previous posts, I felt as though I was looked down upon for being an English major. Sure, I say that their words don't matter and that I'm not affected by them, but I am. I do care what people think about me. Of course I want people to respect me. Of course I want people to think I'm an intelligent person. Who wouldn't? Being hired at a company with a name would help me prove myself, right? Eh... I'm not so sure about that anymore. My obsession with the thoughts of others, which I don't even know to be true, have hindered me from looking at my strengths. With that, I honestly believe education is the route for me. Ever since San Francisco missions after my Freshmen year of college, I longed to serve at an urban school. Children are forced into gangs to support their families at the ripe old age of 7. Shocking, I know. I want to help students find something they are passionate about, strengths worth pursuing, outlets that don't involve violence. My high school English teachers constantly challenged me in ways that eventually made me love a subject I previously hated. I want that. Of course, economic stability, wealth, status are all fine and dandy, but I was looking at these God-given blessings without God in the picture at all. It took me a long time to let go of my materialistic, pride-driven desires to realize this. I definitely respect those working in business making our world technologically and economically possible, you all are extremely intelligent and talented in ways that my brain cannot fathom, but I just think everyone was gifted in different ways to do different things. Different passions may come with a lot of money or none at all, but I hope I learn to use my talents in ways that are glorifying to God, advancing His Kingdom rather than focusing on worldly expectations. Maybe God's mission field for me is within the school, while another's is in the workplace. I am so afraid of taking risks, making big decisions, but I think/hope this is right. Constant prayer is definitely mandatory. I just have to get through applications... Oh golly real life is so close. ACKKK...
Putting on her big girl pants,
S.Park
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Trust
Hello my lovely people,
I have literally been so uninvolved it's kind of ridiculous. I'm sitting here at work wondering why I have been so lazy about posting on this blog, and I, of course, can use the excuse of school as for usual, but honestly everyday just seems to be a haze. The same events occur, and I am just exhausted. I love my classes, and I find them all very fulfilling. Taking on so much this quarter has been mentally tiring, but oh so satisfying at the same time. I feel as though the end is within reach, but I still have so much to do. Dead week is so NOT dead, but is DEFINITELY dead to me. Sitting here I can complain a lot about how much reading I have to do, how I have invested myself too much in Epic, or how working on campus has taken about all the remaining time I have, but I won't. It's hard to see it in the moment I'm feeling down, but God has blessed me greatly with these opportunities. Yes, yes, it is cliche. However cliche it is, everyone, especially me, complains about the amount of work we have to do. Psalm 128:2 states "You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you." Because of these experiences, God has grown me in so many ways. However challenging being a freshmen community group leader has been, I was forced (in a good way) to study, analyze, and apply the Word in ways I have never experienced during my time as a Christian, practically all my life. I learned to be a bit more selfless and patient (still working on it) and more willing to invest myself in the girls. While I feel worn, I never once felt burnt out because of Epic. Physically laboring for the Lord can definitely be tiring, but one lesson that specifically resonated with me was the idea of sacrificial love. If you were to have a significant other or family member, you would not only be willing, but happy to serve the one you love. Because you love them, this physical weariness is canceled out by overwhelming joy the other person feels as a result of your hard labor. If this is the case for us humanoids, how much greater is God's joy for us? God gives us the choice to do our work to glorify Him, and I hope I grow in my relationship with Him enough for me to be constantly and unconditionally satisfied in the busyness that is a result of work. It's been difficult for me to understand what I want for my future. I have always thought teaching was my one path, but what about all the other paths? Will I regret not taking opportunities in other fields? As of now, I honestly have no idea. As much as I want to trust wholly in the Lord, it is SO HARD. I have no idea what He has planned for me, but that goes to show my faith in Him. I need more haha! I am definitely not a perfect person, and it's really hard for me to showcase that to others, but I think that I am so unsure of why certain things were placed in my life, though I know these things align with God's perfect plan. More trust.
-S. Park
I have literally been so uninvolved it's kind of ridiculous. I'm sitting here at work wondering why I have been so lazy about posting on this blog, and I, of course, can use the excuse of school as for usual, but honestly everyday just seems to be a haze. The same events occur, and I am just exhausted. I love my classes, and I find them all very fulfilling. Taking on so much this quarter has been mentally tiring, but oh so satisfying at the same time. I feel as though the end is within reach, but I still have so much to do. Dead week is so NOT dead, but is DEFINITELY dead to me. Sitting here I can complain a lot about how much reading I have to do, how I have invested myself too much in Epic, or how working on campus has taken about all the remaining time I have, but I won't. It's hard to see it in the moment I'm feeling down, but God has blessed me greatly with these opportunities. Yes, yes, it is cliche. However cliche it is, everyone, especially me, complains about the amount of work we have to do. Psalm 128:2 states "You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you." Because of these experiences, God has grown me in so many ways. However challenging being a freshmen community group leader has been, I was forced (in a good way) to study, analyze, and apply the Word in ways I have never experienced during my time as a Christian, practically all my life. I learned to be a bit more selfless and patient (still working on it) and more willing to invest myself in the girls. While I feel worn, I never once felt burnt out because of Epic. Physically laboring for the Lord can definitely be tiring, but one lesson that specifically resonated with me was the idea of sacrificial love. If you were to have a significant other or family member, you would not only be willing, but happy to serve the one you love. Because you love them, this physical weariness is canceled out by overwhelming joy the other person feels as a result of your hard labor. If this is the case for us humanoids, how much greater is God's joy for us? God gives us the choice to do our work to glorify Him, and I hope I grow in my relationship with Him enough for me to be constantly and unconditionally satisfied in the busyness that is a result of work. It's been difficult for me to understand what I want for my future. I have always thought teaching was my one path, but what about all the other paths? Will I regret not taking opportunities in other fields? As of now, I honestly have no idea. As much as I want to trust wholly in the Lord, it is SO HARD. I have no idea what He has planned for me, but that goes to show my faith in Him. I need more haha! I am definitely not a perfect person, and it's really hard for me to showcase that to others, but I think that I am so unsure of why certain things were placed in my life, though I know these things align with God's perfect plan. More trust.
-S. Park
The Lovely Women of Epic at Women's Time
Pumpkins with Pumpkin
Sunrise Bishops Hike... No, No, No
Fergalicious Round Dos
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Blame Stress
Hey!
So I have been seriously MIA for the past month, and I regret slacking so much because I feel like expressing what I have been going through on paper would have made everything so much more organized in my own mind. Anyways, enough with the excuses. This quarter has been non-stop fun, stressful, and outright tiring, however amidst all of the chaos, I feel like I continue to find joy through my friends, fellowship, family, and The Lord. Juggling five classes, observing at a high school, serving as a small group leader, going to church, and work has not been easy, and I hope this quarter really helps me improve my organization and time management skills. Also, I started a second blog! Mostly for subjective projects, such as How-To's and Recipes, as well as some reviews on movies, books, shows, and performances. I'm actually really excited about it, and I hope it really grows me as a writer in other fields of writing. Being in English classes, I'm mainly exposed to analytical writing styles, maintaining a focused eye on the argument. On the other hand, my new blog will help me apply these skills to use writing more efficiently. I'm feeling pretty exhausted, and I currently have a headache. I never get headaches. What is happening to me? There has been a lot of uncertainty during this particular season, and I am striving to maintain a trusting relationship with the Lord. He will open the correct doors, and He knows what is planned for us in the future. Of course, I wonder what these plans are. I am still pretty anxious about it, but having the certainty that God will meet us wherever we are takes the weight off of our own shoulders and places it on His.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding."
Proverbs 3:5
With a bit more peace,
S.Park
So I have been seriously MIA for the past month, and I regret slacking so much because I feel like expressing what I have been going through on paper would have made everything so much more organized in my own mind. Anyways, enough with the excuses. This quarter has been non-stop fun, stressful, and outright tiring, however amidst all of the chaos, I feel like I continue to find joy through my friends, fellowship, family, and The Lord. Juggling five classes, observing at a high school, serving as a small group leader, going to church, and work has not been easy, and I hope this quarter really helps me improve my organization and time management skills. Also, I started a second blog! Mostly for subjective projects, such as How-To's and Recipes, as well as some reviews on movies, books, shows, and performances. I'm actually really excited about it, and I hope it really grows me as a writer in other fields of writing. Being in English classes, I'm mainly exposed to analytical writing styles, maintaining a focused eye on the argument. On the other hand, my new blog will help me apply these skills to use writing more efficiently. I'm feeling pretty exhausted, and I currently have a headache. I never get headaches. What is happening to me? There has been a lot of uncertainty during this particular season, and I am striving to maintain a trusting relationship with the Lord. He will open the correct doors, and He knows what is planned for us in the future. Of course, I wonder what these plans are. I am still pretty anxious about it, but having the certainty that God will meet us wherever we are takes the weight off of our own shoulders and places it on His.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding."
Proverbs 3:5
With a bit more peace,
S.Park
My beautiful freshmen beauties
Shaina and I pretending to be hip (expressing our rivalry through sportswear)
Nathania, my work buddy and co-leader for Community Groups (small group)
Sunday, October 5, 2014
My Anaconda Don't?
Hello people who think I'm probably extremely weird by now,
Things going to get weirder... Shaina and I made another video! Some people love it, and others love to hate it. I happen to think they are the videos that are going to play in the background of our individual weddings. People will probably be confused as to why the video is of the two of us and not of us and our husbands, but that's how much we love these things. They are so us. We are not ashamed. Shaina has been my rock throughout my experience at Cal Poly, and I am so grateful for her honest, unashamed, God loving, Sarah loving, coffee addicted, sports crazed, cooky, weird, wonderful self. I seriously would've transferred by now if it wasn't for her, and I am so happy that she is my roommate and pillow talk buddy every night. So, honestly, I don't care if you think the two of us have lost our minds in this video. I just don't, and trust me when I say that I am normally someone who cares a whole lot of what others think of me. THIS ONE IS FOR YOU SHAINS!
Things going to get weirder... Shaina and I made another video! Some people love it, and others love to hate it. I happen to think they are the videos that are going to play in the background of our individual weddings. People will probably be confused as to why the video is of the two of us and not of us and our husbands, but that's how much we love these things. They are so us. We are not ashamed. Shaina has been my rock throughout my experience at Cal Poly, and I am so grateful for her honest, unashamed, God loving, Sarah loving, coffee addicted, sports crazed, cooky, weird, wonderful self. I seriously would've transferred by now if it wasn't for her, and I am so happy that she is my roommate and pillow talk buddy every night. So, honestly, I don't care if you think the two of us have lost our minds in this video. I just don't, and trust me when I say that I am normally someone who cares a whole lot of what others think of me. THIS ONE IS FOR YOU SHAINS!
Saturday, October 4, 2014
The Ever So Cliché Beginning of the End
A Few Words On the Last First Week of School
Well school started… so that’s a thing. Honestly, I’m glad
school started because it keeps me busy and helps me organize my time in an
efficient manner. One thing I’m not looking forward to is applying to schools,
but that’s another subject. So this year I’m leading Bible Study, which is such
a blessing, and I love meeting the new freshmen this year. However, this comes
with great responsibility, and I was not prepared for what being a Bible Study
leader actually entailed. This whole week has been stuffed with events for Epic
and we had to call around 300 freshmen, as well as go to about 120 dorms to
meet them. I look at those numbers and I see how much work we have to put into
this year, but when I look at those numbers I also see how much God is moving on
campus. 300 freshmen signed up! 300! For our club of 80-100 people those
numbers are great, and I’m amazed I get to witness this type of turnout. We had around 50 freshmen
come out to dessert potluck, which is definitely more than we had last year,
and I have met some of the sweetest girls… and a couple English majors YAY!
It’s definitely going to be a busy quarter, but I’m taking it one day at a
time, and so far I’m still functioning. I know that God will be with me and all
the other Bstud leaders this year, and I hope He moves in big ways this year! It was a bit discouraging to see the numbers drop in our first week of Community Group, but I know that God is going to reveal His plan in big ways (: Maybe this is just a transition year, or maybe this is a growing year. Who knows? Every year is just as important as the last and every year is a new season. We shall see how things are when I have like a million things to do and think about, but for now I'm going to enjoy my sleep while I can. Yes. Sleep.
From the girl awake past her bedtime,
-S.Park
The Freshmen Community Group Leaders
Thursdays Are Epic
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Misplaced Desire
Hello!
Recently I have found myself perusing the idea of what it is like to date as a Christian woman. There are many pressures we face in this world to date. Whether that is from family, watching your friends date, or your own "need" to satisfy that empty feeling. I'm sure many people struggle in this area; why else would us girls want to talk about this topic ALL THE TIME? Don't lie, I know you think it's an interesting topic. Yes, I am single and to be honest I didn't always find satisfaction in that. I idolized acceptance and I desired to be liked by a physical being rather than seeking love from our Creator. I read an article online on the Resurgence website titled "For the Gals: 8 Principles for Dating," and it really made me do a heart check. What I liked about this article is that it focused and centered itself not on the relationship between the man and woman, but our relationship with God. It challenged me to consider my intentions and my expectations for a relationship, and my heart wasn't centered around loving and seeking God first. I have to remind myself that if, as a single girl, I dedicate my whole being and attention to the love that God has for us first, I won't need to constantly look for the potential "the one" and trust that God has one for me when His timing and His will directs me towards that direction. We are loved already by a God who has died for sinners like me and you, someone who has disregarded that love time and time again. I have much repenting to do for trusting in my own will and not His. Read the article when you have a chance! It's very simple, straight forward, and honest. This topic is a bit embarrassing for me, but I really think it's worth a read even if you're already dating! (:
http://theresurgence.com/2012/03/19/for-the-gals-8-principles-for-dating
-S.Park
Recently I have found myself perusing the idea of what it is like to date as a Christian woman. There are many pressures we face in this world to date. Whether that is from family, watching your friends date, or your own "need" to satisfy that empty feeling. I'm sure many people struggle in this area; why else would us girls want to talk about this topic ALL THE TIME? Don't lie, I know you think it's an interesting topic. Yes, I am single and to be honest I didn't always find satisfaction in that. I idolized acceptance and I desired to be liked by a physical being rather than seeking love from our Creator. I read an article online on the Resurgence website titled "For the Gals: 8 Principles for Dating," and it really made me do a heart check. What I liked about this article is that it focused and centered itself not on the relationship between the man and woman, but our relationship with God. It challenged me to consider my intentions and my expectations for a relationship, and my heart wasn't centered around loving and seeking God first. I have to remind myself that if, as a single girl, I dedicate my whole being and attention to the love that God has for us first, I won't need to constantly look for the potential "the one" and trust that God has one for me when His timing and His will directs me towards that direction. We are loved already by a God who has died for sinners like me and you, someone who has disregarded that love time and time again. I have much repenting to do for trusting in my own will and not His. Read the article when you have a chance! It's very simple, straight forward, and honest. This topic is a bit embarrassing for me, but I really think it's worth a read even if you're already dating! (:
http://theresurgence.com/2012/03/19/for-the-gals-8-principles-for-dating
-S.Park
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Books, Books, Books: The Help by Kathryn Stockett
All my bookworms out there this is a MUST READ. I cannot emphasize how much I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Yes, I have watched the movie a handful of times, and yes, the movie does a good job of conveying the events of this story. If you're afraid of reading it because you've already seen the movie, don't be. The book has like 10 times the amount of information and the way the story transitions between the perspectives of Skeeter, Minnie, and Aibilene is a great way to see the different perspectives of the events that occur. To be honest, Minnie was my favorite character and I would power through the other two character's stories to get back to her's. Though I've seen the movie, I did not view the characters as the people who portrayed them in the movie, but rather as their own separate entity, and I kind of appreciated that because one of the best parts about reading the book is to be able to imagine the setting and the people that fill it. The way she includes historical events that actually occurred during the sixties was also a great way to brush up on some civil rights history, and it made the book seem all the more real. Stockett made sure the reader hated the villains and treasure and love the protagonists. That fiery passion that the audience builds up against the antagonist will make you want to sprint to the end of the book, which is exactly what I did. It was refreshing to read this book, though maybe it didn't depict exactly what the help was thinking; after all, the book was written by a woman raised by the help not someone who actually was the help, the book teamed the reader up with the underdog and genuinely wanted them to win. We all know what goes down in history after the 60s, and we know that every race is not separate from each other in the way of the law, but the emotions and the bravery behind our country's past injustice was revealed and through this my eyes were definitely opened to some of these realities. I JUST LOVED IT SO MUCH!! PLEASE READ IT, PLEASEEEEE. That is all.
With sadness that I read the whole thing and there is no more,
S.Park
With sadness that I read the whole thing and there is no more,
S.Park
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Courage
I think that courage is something I lack in. Partly because of my self-doubt and lack of confidence, the anxiety that comes with wondering what people think of you, but also the realization that I was stuck. Reading the Bible all my life, hearing the Gospel countless times, taking Communion every year gets to be a routine. I hear it, it comes in me as the truth, and then it leaves until the next time I hear it, when it should be planted in my heart and convict me to do something. Though I admit I judge others when they do drugs or party or curse (how typical, right?), I do nothing, NOTHING, to share the Gospel. Why? Because I'm scared of what they'll think. This past Sunday, my pastor shared about the book of Ecclesiastes (a book that has followed me since the beginning of last school year). His message opened up the topic of fearing the Lord. Who do we fear more? People or God, the One who created every single person on this earth? Either we do not fear the Lord or we do not have love for other people and a desire for them to come to know the Lord. Ouch. When he spoke those words I knew that they were true. I live my life in fear, but I question whether that is fear from my consciousness, the fear of being condemned, or fear that wants to repent and draw closer to the Lord. Do I love other people enough to lay down my pride or fear of being judged and present the Gospel, the only way to Heaven? Do I love my family enough to do this? Evangelism has ALWAYS been hard for me because I lack desire. My Bible study is going through the series of Matthew, and we are on our last week going through the crucifixion. Reading the passage this morning I was awakened by the questions my packet asked me. "1. If you struggle with being bold about your faith, how does the mocking of Jesus give you courage?"
"2. In Matthew 27:32, a man named Simon was asked to carry Jesus' cross. Jesus himself said that to be a disciple we must deny ourselves and pick up our cross. In what areas of your life do you need to bear your cross daily?"
"3. How does it affect you knowing that it was the love of Christ that compelled him to bear your sin on the cross?"
What we sacrifice daily is absolutely miniature to what Christ did to save us on the cross when He did absolutely nothing wrong in His entire human life on this earth. It's easy to forget the excruciating pain He went through on the day of His crucifixion: the lashings, the thorn crown, the reed, the nailing, the hanging. How can I ever fully imagine that kind of pain? Which is exactly why I need to remind myself of His sacrifice daily. We can't imagine it because Jesus already paid our price. That one day, that one sacrifice washed ALL of our sins away if we just repent before the Lord. How powerful is Jesus' blood?! Jesus' sacrifice and courage to love those who killed Him and die for them is beyond anything we have to do on this earth. We are called to simply spread the news of what the Lord did for us on the cross. While thinking over this, I realized how ungrateful I was being by putting my needs before God's. I was idolizing the opinion of others before the opinion of the Lord. I hope that this realization will help me remember the greater picture of God's plan rather than the small, worldly fixations I have with pride.
With gratitude,
S.Park
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