Possibly, Probably Peace

Hello,
I am at home! Getting back into the 9pm-7am sleeping schedule, eating mama-made Korean food, and rolling around doing whatever I want because guess what? IT'S WINTER BREAK, Y'ALL! I am so relieved this past quarter is over and done, though I have yet to find out my grades (cue death music). I think processing this quarter has brought a lot of things into the light. Laying out all of the options I have for my future, I think I am most at peace with opportunities in the educational system. Sure, a nice, steady job in some big company would be awesome, but I think my desire to be hired in such a company was rooted in pride. As I have mentioned in some of my previous posts, I felt as though I was looked down upon for being an English major. Sure, I say that their words don't matter and that I'm not affected by them, but I am. I do care what people think about me. Of course I want people to respect me. Of course I want people to think I'm an intelligent person. Who wouldn't? Being hired at a company with a name would help me prove myself, right? Eh... I'm not so sure about that anymore. My obsession with the thoughts of others, which I don't even know to be true, have hindered me from looking at my strengths. With that, I honestly believe education is the route for me. Ever since San Francisco missions after my Freshmen year of college, I longed to serve at an urban school. Children are forced into gangs to support their families at the ripe old age of 7. Shocking, I know. I want to help students find something they are passionate about, strengths worth pursuing, outlets that don't involve violence. My high school English teachers constantly challenged me in ways that eventually made me love a subject I previously hated. I want that. Of course, economic stability, wealth, status are all fine and dandy, but I was looking at these God-given blessings without God in the picture at all. It took me a long time to let go of my materialistic, pride-driven desires to realize this. I definitely respect those working in business making our world technologically and economically possible, you all are extremely intelligent and talented in ways that my brain cannot fathom, but I just think everyone was gifted in different ways to do different things. Different passions may come with a lot of money or none at all, but I hope I learn to use my talents in ways that are glorifying to God, advancing His Kingdom rather than focusing on worldly expectations. Maybe God's mission field for me is within the school, while another's is in the workplace. I am so afraid of taking risks, making big decisions, but I think/hope this is right. Constant prayer is definitely mandatory. I just have to get through applications... Oh golly real life is so close. ACKKK...

Putting on her big girl pants,

S.Park