Possibly, Probably Peace

Hello,
I am at home! Getting back into the 9pm-7am sleeping schedule, eating mama-made Korean food, and rolling around doing whatever I want because guess what? IT'S WINTER BREAK, Y'ALL! I am so relieved this past quarter is over and done, though I have yet to find out my grades (cue death music). I think processing this quarter has brought a lot of things into the light. Laying out all of the options I have for my future, I think I am most at peace with opportunities in the educational system. Sure, a nice, steady job in some big company would be awesome, but I think my desire to be hired in such a company was rooted in pride. As I have mentioned in some of my previous posts, I felt as though I was looked down upon for being an English major. Sure, I say that their words don't matter and that I'm not affected by them, but I am. I do care what people think about me. Of course I want people to respect me. Of course I want people to think I'm an intelligent person. Who wouldn't? Being hired at a company with a name would help me prove myself, right? Eh... I'm not so sure about that anymore. My obsession with the thoughts of others, which I don't even know to be true, have hindered me from looking at my strengths. With that, I honestly believe education is the route for me. Ever since San Francisco missions after my Freshmen year of college, I longed to serve at an urban school. Children are forced into gangs to support their families at the ripe old age of 7. Shocking, I know. I want to help students find something they are passionate about, strengths worth pursuing, outlets that don't involve violence. My high school English teachers constantly challenged me in ways that eventually made me love a subject I previously hated. I want that. Of course, economic stability, wealth, status are all fine and dandy, but I was looking at these God-given blessings without God in the picture at all. It took me a long time to let go of my materialistic, pride-driven desires to realize this. I definitely respect those working in business making our world technologically and economically possible, you all are extremely intelligent and talented in ways that my brain cannot fathom, but I just think everyone was gifted in different ways to do different things. Different passions may come with a lot of money or none at all, but I hope I learn to use my talents in ways that are glorifying to God, advancing His Kingdom rather than focusing on worldly expectations. Maybe God's mission field for me is within the school, while another's is in the workplace. I am so afraid of taking risks, making big decisions, but I think/hope this is right. Constant prayer is definitely mandatory. I just have to get through applications... Oh golly real life is so close. ACKKK...

Putting on her big girl pants,

S.Park

Trust

Hello my lovely people,
I have literally been so uninvolved it's kind of ridiculous. I'm sitting here at work wondering why I have been so lazy about posting on this blog, and I, of course, can use the excuse of school as for usual, but honestly everyday just seems to be a haze. The same events occur, and I am just exhausted. I love my classes, and I find them all very fulfilling. Taking on so much this quarter has been mentally tiring, but oh so satisfying at the same time. I feel as though the end is within reach, but I still have so much to do. Dead week is so NOT dead, but is DEFINITELY dead to me. Sitting here I can complain a lot about how much reading I have to do, how I have invested myself too much in Epic, or how working on campus has taken about all the remaining time I have, but I won't. It's hard to see it in the moment I'm feeling down, but God has blessed me greatly with these opportunities. Yes, yes, it is cliche. However cliche it is, everyone, especially me, complains about the amount of work we have to do. Psalm 128:2 states "You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you." Because of these experiences, God has grown me in so many ways. However challenging being a freshmen community group leader has been, I was forced (in a good way) to study, analyze, and apply the Word in ways I have never experienced during my time as a Christian, practically all my life. I learned to be a bit more selfless and patient (still working on it) and more willing to invest myself in the girls. While I feel worn, I never once felt burnt out because of Epic. Physically laboring for the Lord can definitely be tiring, but one lesson that specifically resonated with me was the idea of sacrificial love. If you were to have a significant other or family member, you would not only be willing, but happy to serve the one you love. Because you love them, this physical weariness is canceled out by overwhelming joy the other person feels as a result of your hard labor. If this is the case for us humanoids, how much greater is God's joy for us? God gives us the choice to do our work to glorify Him, and I hope I grow in my relationship with Him enough for me to be constantly and unconditionally satisfied in the busyness that is a result of work. It's been difficult for me to understand what I want for my future. I have always thought teaching was my one path,  but what about all the other paths? Will I regret not taking opportunities in other fields? As of now, I honestly have no idea. As much as I want to trust wholly in the Lord, it is SO HARD. I have no idea what He has planned for me, but that goes to show my faith in Him. I need more haha! I am definitely not a perfect person, and it's really hard for me to showcase that to others, but I think that I am so unsure of why certain things were placed in my life, though I know these things align with God's perfect plan. More trust. 

-S. Park 

The Lovely Women of Epic at Women's Time

Pumpkins with Pumpkin

Sunrise Bishops Hike... No, No, No

Fergalicious Round Dos

Blame Stress

Hey!
So I have been seriously MIA for the past month, and I regret slacking so much because I feel like expressing what I have been going through on paper would have made everything so much more organized in my own mind. Anyways, enough with the excuses. This quarter has been non-stop fun, stressful, and outright tiring, however amidst all of the chaos, I feel like I continue to find joy through my friends, fellowship, family, and The Lord.  Juggling five classes, observing at a high school, serving as a small group leader, going to church, and work has not been easy, and I hope this quarter really helps me improve my organization and time management skills. Also, I started a second blog! Mostly for subjective projects, such as How-To's and Recipes, as well as some reviews on movies, books, shows, and performances. I'm actually really excited about it, and I hope it really grows me as a writer in other fields of writing. Being in English classes, I'm mainly exposed to analytical writing styles, maintaining a focused eye on the argument. On the other hand, my new blog will help me apply these skills to use writing more efficiently. I'm feeling pretty exhausted, and I currently have a headache. I never get headaches. What is happening to me? There has been a lot of uncertainty during this particular season, and I am striving to maintain a trusting relationship with the Lord. He will open the correct doors, and He knows what is planned for us in the future. Of course, I wonder what these plans are. I am still pretty anxious about it, but having the certainty that God will meet us wherever we are takes the weight off of our own shoulders and places it on His.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding."
 Proverbs 3:5 

With a bit more peace,

S.Park

My beautiful freshmen beauties

Shaina and I pretending to be hip (expressing our rivalry through sportswear)

Nathania, my work buddy and co-leader for Community Groups (small group)

My Anaconda Don't?

Hello people who think I'm probably extremely weird by now,
Things going to get weirder... Shaina and I made another video! Some people love it, and others love to hate it. I happen to think they are the videos that are going to play in the background of our individual weddings. People will probably be confused as to why the video is of the two of us and not of us and our husbands, but that's how much we love these things. They are so us. We are not ashamed. Shaina has been my rock throughout my experience at Cal Poly, and I am so grateful for her honest, unashamed, God loving, Sarah loving, coffee addicted, sports crazed, cooky, weird, wonderful self. I seriously would've transferred by now if it wasn't for her, and I am so happy that she is my roommate and pillow talk buddy every night. So, honestly, I don't care if you think the two of us have lost our minds in this video. I just don't, and trust me when I say that I am normally someone who cares a whole lot of what others think of me. THIS ONE IS FOR YOU SHAINS!

The Ever So Cliché Beginning of the End

A Few Words On the Last First Week of School

Well school started… so that’s a thing. Honestly, I’m glad school started because it keeps me busy and helps me organize my time in an efficient manner. One thing I’m not looking forward to is applying to schools, but that’s another subject. So this year I’m leading Bible Study, which is such a blessing, and I love meeting the new freshmen this year. However, this comes with great responsibility, and I was not prepared for what being a Bible Study leader actually entailed. This whole week has been stuffed with events for Epic and we had to call around 300 freshmen, as well as go to about 120 dorms to meet them. I look at those numbers and I see how much work we have to put into this year, but when I look at those numbers I also see how much God is moving on campus. 300 freshmen signed up! 300! For our club of 80-100 people those numbers are great, and I’m amazed I get to witness this type of turnout. We had around 50 freshmen come out to dessert potluck, which is definitely more than we had last year, and I have met some of the sweetest girls… and a couple English majors YAY! It’s definitely going to be a busy quarter, but I’m taking it one day at a time, and so far I’m still functioning. I know that God will be with me and all the other Bstud leaders this year, and I hope He moves in big ways this year! It was a bit discouraging to see the numbers drop in our first week of Community Group, but I know that God is going to reveal His plan in big ways (: Maybe this is just a transition year, or maybe this is a growing year. Who knows? Every year is just as important as the last and every year is a new season. We shall see how things are when I have like a million things to do and think about, but for now I'm going to enjoy my sleep while I can. Yes. Sleep. 

From the girl awake past her bedtime, 

-S.Park

The Freshmen Community Group Leaders

Thursdays Are Epic

Misplaced Desire

Hello!
Recently I have found myself perusing the idea of what it is like to date as a Christian woman. There are many pressures we face in this world to date. Whether that is from family, watching your friends date, or your own "need" to satisfy that empty feeling. I'm sure many people struggle in this area; why else would us girls want to talk about this topic ALL THE TIME? Don't lie, I know you think it's an interesting topic. Yes, I am single and to be honest I didn't always find satisfaction in that.  I idolized acceptance and I desired to be liked by a physical being rather than seeking love from our Creator. I read an article online on the Resurgence website titled "For the Gals: 8 Principles for Dating," and it really made me do a heart check. What I liked about this article is that it focused and centered itself not on the relationship between the man and woman, but our relationship with God. It challenged me to consider my intentions and my expectations for a relationship, and my heart wasn't centered around loving and seeking God first. I have to remind myself that if, as a single girl, I dedicate my whole being and attention to the love that God has for us first, I won't need to constantly look for the potential "the one" and trust that God has one for me when His timing and His will directs me towards that direction. We are loved already by a God who has died for sinners like me and you, someone who has disregarded that love time and time again. I have much repenting to do for trusting in my own will and not His. Read the article when you have a chance! It's very simple, straight forward, and honest. This topic is a bit embarrassing for me, but I really think it's worth a read even if you're already dating! (:

http://theresurgence.com/2012/03/19/for-the-gals-8-principles-for-dating

-S.Park

Books, Books, Books: The Help by Kathryn Stockett

All my bookworms out there this is a MUST READ. I cannot emphasize how much I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Yes, I have watched the movie a handful of times, and yes, the movie does a good job of conveying the events of this story. If you're afraid of reading it because you've already seen the movie, don't be. The book has like 10 times the amount of information and the way the story transitions between the perspectives of Skeeter, Minnie, and Aibilene is a great way to see the different perspectives of the events that occur. To be honest, Minnie was my favorite character and I would power through the other two character's stories to get back to her's. Though I've seen the movie, I did not view the characters as the people who portrayed them in the movie, but rather as their own separate entity, and I kind of appreciated that because one of the best parts about reading the book is to be able to imagine the setting and the people that fill it. The way she includes historical events that actually occurred during the sixties was also a great way to brush up on some civil rights history, and it made the book seem all the more real. Stockett made sure the reader hated the villains and treasure and love the protagonists. That fiery passion that the audience builds up against the antagonist will make you want to sprint to the end of the book, which is exactly what I did. It was refreshing to read this book, though maybe it didn't depict exactly what the help was thinking; after all, the book was written by a woman raised by the help not someone who actually was the help, the book teamed the reader up with the underdog and genuinely wanted them to win. We all know what goes down in history after the 60s, and we know that every race is not separate from each other in the way of the law, but the emotions and the bravery behind our country's past injustice was revealed and through this my eyes were definitely opened to some of these realities. I JUST LOVED IT SO MUCH!! PLEASE READ IT, PLEASEEEEE. That is all.

With sadness that I read the whole thing and there is no more,

S.Park

Courage

I think that courage is something I lack in. Partly because of my self-doubt and lack of confidence, the anxiety that comes with wondering what people think of you, but also the realization that I was stuck. Reading the Bible all my life, hearing the Gospel countless times, taking Communion every year gets to be a routine. I hear it, it comes in me as the truth, and then it leaves until the next time I hear it, when it should be planted in my heart and convict me to do something. Though I admit I judge others when they do drugs or party or curse (how typical, right?), I do nothing, NOTHING, to share the Gospel. Why? Because I'm scared of what they'll think. This past Sunday, my pastor shared about the book of Ecclesiastes (a book that has followed me since the beginning of last school year). His message opened up the topic of fearing the Lord. Who do we fear more? People or God, the One who created every single person on this earth? Either we do not fear the Lord or we do not have love for other people and a desire for them to come to know the Lord. Ouch. When he spoke those words I knew that they were true. I live my life in fear, but I question whether that is fear from my consciousness, the fear of being condemned, or fear that wants to repent and draw closer to the Lord. Do I love other people enough to lay down my pride or fear of being judged and present the Gospel, the only way to Heaven? Do I love my family enough to do this? Evangelism has ALWAYS been hard for me because I lack desire. My Bible study is going through the series of Matthew, and we are on our last week going through the crucifixion. Reading the passage this morning I was awakened by the questions my packet asked me. "1. If you struggle with being bold about your faith, how does the mocking of Jesus give you courage?"

"2. In Matthew 27:32, a man named Simon was asked to carry Jesus' cross. Jesus himself said that to be a disciple we must deny ourselves and pick up our cross. In what areas of your life do you need to bear your cross daily?"

"3. How does it affect you knowing that it was the love of Christ that compelled him to bear your sin on the cross?"

What we sacrifice daily is absolutely miniature to what Christ did to save us on the cross when He did absolutely nothing wrong in His entire human life on this earth. It's easy to forget the excruciating pain He went through on the day of His crucifixion: the lashings, the thorn crown, the reed, the nailing, the hanging. How can I ever fully imagine that kind of pain? Which is exactly why I need to remind myself of His sacrifice daily. We can't imagine it because Jesus already paid our price. That one day, that one sacrifice washed ALL of our sins away if we just repent before the Lord. How powerful is Jesus' blood?! Jesus' sacrifice and courage to love those who killed Him and die for them is beyond anything we have to do on this earth. We are called to simply spread the news of what the Lord did for us on the cross. While thinking over this, I realized how ungrateful I was being by putting my needs before God's. I was idolizing the opinion of others before the opinion of the Lord. I hope that this realization will help me remember the greater picture of God's plan rather than the small, worldly fixations I have with pride. 

With gratitude,

S.Park

Daehanmingook, Saranghae

Ahnyung Unnies and Oppas and Dongsangs all around! Or hi.

I just came back from a trip to Korea, and I absolutely fell in love with the motherland all over again. I honestly am going to save up all the money I earn just to go back next year haha! Not only was hanging out and being lazy with my cousins and family fun, but my mom, sister, and I were able to explore many parts of Korea rather than staying in Seoul the entire time. I'm going to split this trip up according to transportation types because I literally rode all kinds. 

Airplane:

Of course we had to ride a plane to Korea, six hours from Myanmar to Korea to be exact. Korean Air is the business, I slept pretty much the whole time! When we landed in Korea I was literally hit with a wall of humidity, but it felt like heaven compared to Myanmar's heat/rain/humidity. After 4 flights within three weeks, I think I've had enough. 

Taxi:

Unlike California, taxis are everywhere. Starting at 3000 won, approx. 3 dollars, it's cheap and taxi drivers are seriously the best drivers I have ever seen. The streets in Korea are mean, and I thought I was going to get hit more than once while walking around, but the drivers swerve in and out without a sweat. Super convenient when coming to and from the subway station, as well as, to and from our hotel room to the bus station when we were on our trip. Of course cars are always nice to have, but with my uncles working and my aunts having their own schedules to attend to, cars weren't always available.

Bus:

We traveled to the southernmost edge of Korea, as well as, the second largest city, after Seoul, Busan by bus. It takes about 4 hours from Seoul, northern Korea, to Tongyeong, the southernmost part of Korea, and about 2 hours from Tongyeong to Busan. I loved hearing the different dialects of the Korean language, and the different markets and shopping centers, of course. After staying in Seoul the other times I've been to Korea, I never realized just how scenic and green Korea is. It is absolutely beautiful with so much oxygen it hurts. Though Tongyeong is the countryside with many little markets and stores with kimbap, what they're famous for, Busan is more like Seoul with department stores and streets filled with shopping, as well as, the famous fish market. Where else can you get a basket of clams, octopus, squid, shrimp, and fish for five dollars? A steal! Also, the bingsoo in Busan was some of the best I've had in Korea :)

Cable Car:

Tongyeong is known for their cable car system which moves up and down the mountain revealing trees upon trees and the seaside. The view was refreshing!

Boat:
We rode a boat off the tip of Korea to one of the smaller islands where people go to hike and view the scenery. We actually weren't wearing the right attire and were pretty much stuck doing nothing for two hours, but the boat ride was really exciting and being so close to other islands was a really cool experience. I normally don't like boats, but the hour trip there and back wasn't bad at all!

Train:

Coming back from our trip back to Seoul, we took the bullet train which gets to Northern Korea in half that time as it would on the bus. Also, because Korea is known to have one of the best Wifi systems in the world, I was able to sift through the surprisingly fast internet while enjoying the scenery outside. 

Subway:

Subway is one of the most important modes of transportation in the city areas of Korea. Not only did we use it in Seoul, but we also used it in Busan since they are more urbanized. We took it to the amusement park, Lotte World, where we met up with the girls on the Myanmar team, to the South Gate where there is a major flee market, to one of Korea's palaces, and many more places (mostly shopping and eating and shopping again). People watching is the best on the subway, so many different types of people. Students in uniforms, grandmas in flower patterned pants, parents with the cutest babies, young people all on their phones watching their shows with the antennas sticking up. Rush hour though don't even think about getting a seat, and it's so smelly I wanted to cry. My mom even told me there are push men whose jobs are to push people into the subway haha! 

Foot:

I have never walked more in one day than I have while in Korea. All the flee markets, fish markets, scenic views, local markets, eateries, shops, church, everywhere is walking, walking, walking. I love that everything is so accessible and it makes you feel like you worked for your food, which is amazing might I add. I think walking with your friends up and down the street is what brings people together. Linked arms and busy talking is all up and down the city. Seriously everywhere you go! That's something I'll miss and wished there was more of in the states. So much fun is literally a footstep away! Friends are all just a couple streets over and restaurants are everywhere you turn to look. Ugh take me back faster, faster! I knew there was a reason I used to want to trade my US citizenship for a Korean one lol! Not only that, but I LOVE my cousins, uncles, aunts, and my grandma! Though I missed my poor father who had to teach summer school, I loved being able to spend time with them (: <3

Missing my Motherland,
S.Park

In front of the Korean Palace

Only some of the bingsoos we had in Korea! (:

Cousins and grandma... thank you for letting me bother you and wake you up while you were sleeping 

In front of SM Entertainment. Crazy fan girls waiting for celebrities to make appearances

Watching my cousin and uncle play soccer. They got 5 out of the 6 goals!!

Some authentic KBarbie

Busan, South Korea

Cable Car w/ Mama Park

Seoul National Cemetery where my Grandfather is buried

Reunion w/ my Myanmar Girls

Minglaba, Myanmar

Anyunghasaeyo or Minglaba or Hello!
Currently I'm in Korea meandering the country after spending 5 days in Myanmar on a missions trip. I haven't been updating because I've been too busy enjoying my time in Asia, and because access to a computer is limited as my grandmother doesn't own one lol.
Myanmar was definitely a trying and difficult missions trip. Though we only served the VBS for 3 days and traveled for about 20 hours there and 6 hours back to Korea, I felt as though I was tested and pushed in many ways. It was revealed to me that I don't have too much compassion and I still want to please people more than anything else. Also, my physical health was in the dumps. The second we stopped at LAX, I landed wrong out of the van and because I have a torn ACL, my bones felt as though they became disjointed. It hurt more than when I actually tore it, and started to black out, but thankfully after sitting for a couple minutes felt normal again. That was the only time my knee gave me problems the entire trip! PTL! I loved the country of Myanmar, though extremely humid and traffic-dense, the children at the education center were so passionate about The Lord, they surrendered their entire being to Him because He is their hope. The last day I served was so hard because I became more sick than I have ever felt before, temperature running high and bathroom issues you would not like to know the details of. I was miserable to be quite frank. I found myself not wanting or able to play with the kids or do worship moves, I unfortunately had to lie down through the activities. I was thankfully able to play the guitar for the last set and the way the kids worship is so pure. It seems as though they have no other thought other than The Lord, singing at the top of their lungs. I realized that I worship with the motions and the routine of church conscious of other people. I always feel as though I learn more than I go and share haha. It was definitely physically challenging and the language barrier was rough, but I feel as though going was so much more worth it and I hope to go back someday. Leaving the students was the hardest thing to do, but I know that God is moving in their school. Until next time.

-S.Park

The End. Bye.

So last week I had the bitter task of moving out of SLO and back home for the summer. It was actually really upsetting because, though of course I missed my family and my bed, I really felt as though I was leaving a place I had grown accustomed to and my Epic familia. The day before I left, or should I say the morning of, a group of friends and I had a desire to adventure around the SLO area one last time before parting ways to worlds of internships, jobs, home, missions, etc. Norman, Shaina, and I started at SLODOCO and decided to go 4 rounds before the night ended, and we somehow ended up dragging along Danny, David, and A-a-ron, as well. 4 rounds quickly became 6. We then sauntered off to Perfumo Canyon, a rather sketchy mountainous road up to see the stars. The stars were SO BRIGHT as was the full moon. I forgot how pretty SLO was at night, and how you can actually see stars freckle the sky unlike LA. I had to go pee rather urgently, but it was enjoyable while it lasted. Somehow next we ended up at In N Out, and though it smelled heavenly, I ate a nice, large steak before the adventure and was not hungry. So that was three rounds. Our 4th was my personal favorite, the Pismo Beach Pier. It is seriously so amazing seeing the ocean at night, a kind of haunting new perspective. We frolicked hard core on the pier, and took some all too attractive pictures... we're basically a band. Our 5th location was, by Aaron's recommendation, was the SLO cemetery to go see some pyramid. Now this isn't like one of those modern cemeteries with cremated bodies under plaques, there were statues and tombstones over like 90% of the dead people. So creepy. Not to mention the pyramid was like in the back of the lot, I made the guys stand next to me so I don't get sucked in LOL jk... but really. Anyways, we made it to the pyramid and it was made out of granite and was super big, fashioned for a family of three, but the dad was missing nbd. I guess it was a cool experience. Sort of. Our final location was where we began, sweet little SLODOCO. Such a crazy night/morning, not to mention we had our friends' graduations the next morning... I make great decisions in life. It was worth it, though. Coming home is always awesome, and it's finally hitting me that I'm actually going to Myanmar and Korea, and I am so excited! However, I found out I actually tore my ACL, after 4 doctor's appointments in one day lol... It would happen to me haha, but I'm thankful I can get surgery over the summer and not when I'm going to school! Anyways, ramble ramble as for usual. I'll try to keep my blog updated in Asia! (:

With much excitement,
S.Park

PC: ma gurl Shaina Jung!

Round 2: Perfumo Canyon... Danny's a noob

Round 4: Pismo Beach

Round 5: Ze Pyramid and my shadow... oooooh

La Dee Da

Good Morning People of the Interweb!
Why are you on the internet instead of studying for finals? Just kidding so am I... obviously. Anywhozzles this week is super bitter but super sweet, as well. Being the last week of school, I'm really busy with finals and projects and essays per the usual, but spending quality time with a lot of people I love keeps me going. First off, I had to say bye to Livia *insert tears on tears,* and though I'm going to see her again in the fall, it's weird not seeing her beautimous face every week... or multiple times a week. She's become one of my closest friends in SLO, and I'm so thankful that we are not only able to seek God and His Word together, but also that we are able to be weird and crazy together. Only she accepts my crazy, delusional, girls gone wild weirdness in the wee hours of the night, well, because she does it too! She's off in Florida on summer project, and I cannot be more happy for her! I'm confident that she's going to be doing amazing things through God this year, and I can't wait to hear all about it and all about the gaters she's eaten. Another farewell is to dearest Mama Yan. Shaina, Ginny, and I can talk for hours on hours and days on days about anything from school to Epic to our personal lives, and she is so compassionate and wise! I'm SOO going to miss her and her passionate self. SO SAD! Also, I was able to have a one on one with Esther making super fast choco chip cookies, we're basically pros, eating an amazing home cooked meal by E-dizzle, and singing duets. I love spending time with her, goofing off with her, and getting to know her more and more! Also, I love her passion for music and her willingness to sing with me haha :)! On the other hand, we are moving into our new apartment tomorrow! It'll be fun reinventing our own space, Shaina and I, and I'm excited to see how this new place affects our lives for the, hopefully, upcoming twoish years. My parents are coming up to move me out, and it'll be awesome to have a little reunion with them. School has taken a turn for the worse compared to the past couple of quarters, and I realized how hard group projects can be, but I know that I'm learning to be patient and understanding, while also trying not to find my worth in my schoolwork. It's hard because I want to please those I surround myself with through being the best at everything I do, but it just never works out that way, and I am just now realizing this. Though, of course, I'm striving to be the best that I can be, I know that grades, in the end, are meaningless if I am not doing it to glorify the Lord, a Lord that doesn't want us to find our worth in grades or looks, but in Him. I'm not using this whole meaningless thing as an excuse for my poor grades, but I'm trying not to beat myself up too much for it, or think of myself as lower or worthless. EEEE Summer is so close I can feel the heat and the lazy days at home, but I'm not quite there, yet. Only two and a half more days! Let's do this, yo!

With conflicting emotions,
S.Park

Our I Won't Give Up/Wrecking Ball Cover hehe

Post Haircut! Thanks Shainaniganns :)

With my fave she-devil at farmers

Last discipleship of the year with this beauty :'(

Phonathon Banquet with the Fuads 

Ginny, don't leave us!

The night we thought we were masterchefs

Smorgasbord

Hallo Peoples,

The last few weeks have just been nonstop busy, busy, busy. First off, we had MAPP which was super fun planning and putting together, though at times stressful, it was worth it knowing that the men had a good time! :) I feel like everyone frantically runs around thirty minutes before the men arrive, wondering if everything will get done, but in the end the event runs smoothly, and all that matters is that the men feel appreciated by us women in Epic! They deserve much praise and appreciation for being some of the kindest, funniest, supportive, and derpiest men I have ever met. You go, guys, you go! Other than that, this past weekend was like the randomest weekend I have had this weekend full of events I didn't know I would partake in. On Friday, I got to spend some time talking to my main girl Shains, and during that time we had forgotten to eat because we both had a little snack around dinner time. Before you knew it it was already 10:30 pm, and nothing in SLO is open at that hour, also, we were too lazy to cook. Therefore, we were rolling around the floor commenting on how hungry we were about a hundred million times before Norman, bless his soul, took us to In N Out! Oh my gosh, I don't think In N Out ever tasted so good. Afterwards we spent about three hours at SLODOCO, and we chatted about random things until 4:30, a time that is absolutely past my bedtime by like 6 hours. At least I got fresh donuts out of it. Downside to that, people saw that I turn into a different person in the wee hours of the night, way too tired to act normal. Anyways, on Saturday after discipleship Shaina and I spent all day in the house, definitely rare for us, but I think the occasional staying home and recharging is always a good thing. At night, however, we went to KBBQ at 9 at night for the 15% off deal (my dreams came true that night. I love meat.) and went to watch a horror film, Oculus, if I didn't fall asleep I would've probably told you not to watch it, but I can't say that because whilst closing my eyes, I drifted into a slumber. It was a great last weekend before dead week, which has already been stressful due to some events that have occurred, but just trusting that God has a bigger picture planned has been a lesson in itself. My expectations for this year were different than actuality, but I think that something greater will come out of it... at least one can hope! Happy Dead Week, Y'all!

-S.Park

It's All Too Real

Hmmm... What to even write about... I'm sitting here on this perfectly gloomy Wednesday afternoon, though I keep thinking it's Thursday, unable to focus on anything. I'm just a hot mess. School isn't looking too appealing to me right at this moment, and the amount of studying I have been doing is literally a shame to all mankind. I deserve to be punished for my laziness. It's spring quarter, a pretty hard one at that, and all I want to do is go to the beach and play, play, play. And eat. Can't forget the food. Don't you have those days when you just want to have the sudden desire to WANT to study? Wouldn't THAT be something? I am currently in my poetry class, listening to a class presentation wondering when my professor will stop his thunderous laughing. Please, sir, just stop. Two days later... Okay so not gonna lie, I totally stopped writing this, and am finishing this post like now... Whatevs. We had Women's Time yesterday! I had such an amazing time with my other sisters, and lead worship for the first time with a guitar. Initially, I was super nervous because I have never played in front of people other than like my roommates, but then I was like this is for God. Not me or my pride or my self-satisfaction. I think Women's Time in general was just a reminder of all of that. Only God can satisfy my dissatisfactions, my emptiness, my lack of motivation. I hung out with an upperclassmen, Katie, yesterday, and she is honestly so wise and amazing! I was talking about how I found myself being complacent with certain things, and she reminded me that as much as it is important for us to pour into each other, God is the one who should pour into us and satisfy us. Why do I forget this so often? I'm always thinking about what other people can do for me, or how affirmation from people satisfy me, but at the end of the day, isn't this life about God? I'm gonna miss you, Katie!!!! Never leave!! I seriously LOVE the women's community in EPIC. Though we are far from perfect, I can honestly say I can count on every single one of the women to be there for me whenever I'm in a sticky situation or if I just need someone to talk to about life. Now onwards to MAPP prep! :)

With satisfaction,
S. Park

Finally

Guys, guys, guys guess what? We found an apartment!!!! YAYYY! It's in our price range and even closer to school! Who could say no to that? Shaina and I have been so stressed trying to find somewhere, and it initially felt weird that we were freed from this stress that had been lingering for over a month. Patience definitely tested me, and looking back, I realize this is a good thing. I have never been a patient person, always anxious, and through this experience, I was able to learn what it was like trust God for something we needed. Anyways, Fish Bowl 2014 happened! Getting to know and play with girls our age, as well as, older girls was such a blessing! I absolutely love the girls, and it was so much fun being on their team. On the day of the event, however, I unfortunately tweaked my knee, and am now in a brace HAHA. That would happen to me, right? It wasn't even that far into the game. Sigh. I don't think it's that injured, though. I got to go home this weekend, and I forgot how much I missed home. It was so fun being able to connect with the girls I'm going to Myanmar missions with this year at church, and to spend time bonding with my family. I want to go back home NOW! We only have four more weeks so I just need to sit tight, focus on school, and get it rollin.

Peace Up, ATown Down,
S.Park

Beach Days for Days

With the Fiercest Stacia

Studyin...

On My Mind

This quarter has been flying by waaay too fast... I'm not sure if my spring quarter has been ideal, and it's nothing like last year, but I feel as though I have been growing as a person, building endurance to push through the rough times. I don't know how to express the way I have been feeling the past couple of weeks. It's just a cycle of school, apartment hunting, and awkwardness that I don't know how to shake off. I have been oh so blessed by older girls this quarter who have supported and hung out with me practically every weekend now that I think about it... I hope they're not sick of me yet. I feel as though I can be as crazy and WEIRD with them, and they accept me for me... hopefully. I CANNOT believe they're going to be fourth years next year... CRAZY! I don't know what I'm going to do when they all graduate :( In other news, this whole housing crisis hasn't been resolved, and with every phone call from my parents, I get more anxious and stressed out. I just want to find an apartment, but things just haven't been moving along. I just don't even know, anymore. YIKES! I was able to meet up with Jocelyn for the first time in over a year... crazy, because it doesn't feel that long. It was awesome to catch up with her, and how she's been in her walk, as well as, her time growing in college. Not only that, but we cooked! I never cook! We had chicken lettuce wraps, and they were delish, we ate like two huge chicken breasts worth of filling, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. All in all, I don't even know where I'm at,  but I know that once I'm out of this lull, things will be and feel so much better, I just don't see God's plan in all of this, yet, and that's okay.

With uncertainty,
-S.Park

Had a crazy juicing party... uhh... yeah

Working the Green and Gold Event with these cuties!

One on one with Jocey-poo (:

The chicken lettuce wraps!

Such a special night! Made me so proud to be at Cal Poly!

Anxiety... Anxiety... Happiness?

Let's just all take this time to take a deep, deep, miserable sigh, shall we? 1, 2, 3 breathe in and, take as long as you need, to breathe it all out. Shoot, I am such a drama queen. However, this past week has been a rough one... all this housing stuff and so on and so forth has been seriously damaging my vibe. I wonder why it is so difficult to make a decision, why our choices are polar opposites of each other, why this is causing so much silent havoc in my life. Is there no happy medium? Maybe God is teaching me to be more assertive? More patient? Right now I just want all of this to go away. Enter, another sigh. Because I have never had to go through something like this, I think anxiety and nervousness has been consuming my life. Now, I know that I am not going to be homeless by any means, but the uncertainty is making me antsy. Thank goodness I have Shaina to put me in my place. She's always reminding me to choose happiness and joy, reminding me that we aren't going to be hobos on the street, and reminding me to think twice about my decisions so that I don't regret them in the future. I'm sure I can be annoying at times, and my indecisiveness doesn't help in the least bit, but I also believe that the rewards will be greater and far more lasting than what I feel right now.
On another note, yesterday was The Pitch! An informative meeting for prospective Bible Study leaders lead by Cru with a super cute baseball theme, might I add. I hoarded so many snacks. Heh. Heh. Though there is still an application process, I feel so blessed that God has placed this opportunity into my life, and am so excited to see how it all works out! (: See, I can be optimistic and happy about SOMETHING.
Next week comes midterms, essays, and projects, so all I can say is, bring it on spring quarter, bring it on.

With determination,
-S.Park

I got a guitar, yo. Sorry neighbors and roommates

We made it to the top of Bishops! So blessed by Liv (:

Calvary Easter service. The children's choir was SO ADORABLE!

He is Risen!!

Happy Easter Everyone!!
Isn't it so amazing that Jesus died on the cross for us and rose again? Honestly, I go through this whole Easter thing every single year, and most times I'm like, "Yes, yes. Jesus died. Yes. Thank you" without much conviction. This year, however, I reevaluated the meaning of the cross. Why did God choose Jesus? Why were we born with sin? were thoughts that I was ashamed of asking myself. However, upon further thought and evaluation I realized that God didn't even have to make us in the first place. We could be little globules of nonexistence. God chose us and made us to glorify Him and have a relationship with Him through Jesus Christ out of His mercy and grace, and sent His one and only Son to die in our sinful place. Why should I even question that kind of grace?

This quarter has been rough, already. School wise I am loving my professors, though all pretty tough, I would rather come out of the class learning something worth the money my parents put into the school. However, looking for housing has been stressful to say the least. I think God is teaching me patience through all of this, though, honestly, I haven't even been waiting that long. I guess I'm just anxious, but I know something will turn up! :) Not gonna lie, I was a hot mess for a couple of days frantically calling apartments for openings and such, but I just get super nervous. I'm only human, you know. Friends have been so gracious and loving these past few weeks, and valuable friendships in the women's community have been growing. I am constantly reminded of God's loving plan that He has for me, and that I don't need to be anxious or worried. Other than that, I am looking forward to spring retreat and the fellowship and worship that will happen there! I don't really know what to expect, but I always come out learning something valuable and new, so I doubt that this weekend will be different from the past!

Just a quick update since I have been too lazy/otherwise occupied.

Happiest Resurrection Day!!

-S.Park

Meaningless

Hello!

I know it's kind of weird, but whilst stalking myself on this blog, sifting through my not-so-many posts, I have realized how long my posts have gradually been getting. They started out with simple complaints about being a new college student, to much deeper and emotion-filled content. Maybe I'm just becoming more sensitive lol. Never thought that day would come. Anyways, a particular book in the Bible has constantly been appearing in my daily life this past quarter and throughout this break. Ecclesiastes. I have never even touched that book. I was just minding my own business when this book decided to slap me across the face. It all started with discipleship when Olivia informed me that Ecclesiastes would be the topic of the quarter. Upon reading the first chapter, the words "everything is meaningless" stuck out like an Asian at Cal Poly. WOWZA. Not only have we been going over this book in discipleship, but also in Bible Study and my home church has been going through a series on it, as well. I'm thinking God is telling me something haha. I feel as though this past year has really revealed how much I was living for myself and for the acceptance of other people. Where did God play a role in all of this? There wasn't much room for God when my heart was filled with the thought of fulfilling my own strivings with my own strength. Where will all of my hard work go? To the ground with me when I die. Something that Olivia said that really resonated with me was the fact that future generations, even just two generations later, will not remember me nor what I have done in this life. Shoot, gurl, like, ouch. Soooo why does it matter what people think of me or how I look or the dollar bills I make in the future? It's all meaningless. ALL MEANINGLESS! Though it seems to be a sad reality, there is so much freedom in saying that! Why is it all meaningless? Because we have God, a Savior who loves us for us, and sent His Son to die for us. It's just all this simple, but sin makes it so hard, doesn't it? Now I'm not here to preach about how my life has suddenly turned for the better, and that I am now a completely changed woman. That is not the case. I have chased vanity for my whole, entire life. I have looked at myself and picked out things that I did not like, and I have cursed myself when I didn't get good grades. It is just oh so easy to do. However, day by day, I remind myself of this book. Solomon had everything he could have ever wanted, materialistically. When I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. He had thousands of women, a palace, land, animals, parties. You name it, he had it. However, after having all of these things, he found them all to be meaningless, nothing of worth, nada. So why do I seek after these things? To impress people? To prove to myself that I could do it? I struggle everyday with self-image and the way I look to people, and I know I will continue to struggle with it, quite possibly, for the rest of my life, but I hope that my heart will slowly change towards these worldly things, and focus on what God has done for me. It's a long road ahead, but God works in amazing ways! Also, spring break is over :(, but here's to a new quarter! 

-S.Park