Made

I went to San Diego for Epic Conference this weekend without expectations, excitement, nothing. Honestly, I didn't even know what the theme was going to be about. The first day I came into conference tired and frustrated, coming out of a ten hour adventure from SLO to SD. My heart wasn't in it, my head wasn't in it. All I could think about was me on my bed, asleep. Second day comes around. Seminars. The first seminar I chose was a women's seminar on relationships. Now I know what you're thinking. "OOOOH BOYYYYS!" Sure, sure, we talked about our relationship with boys, but, more importantly, we talked about our relationships with other women. I put a lot of effort into my relationships with my friends, but I realized how easy it is to slip into emotional dependence. Many times I tell them every inch of my life, and this causes an emptiness when they aren't available to talk. Rather than leaning on them, I learned that I needed to lean on God who will guide my relationships with girls (and boys). My second choice was a seminar on perfectionism. I'm not perfect in any sense of the word. I don't get straight A's, I am too fast to speak, I snore. However, throughout the years I realized I placed my worth on what other people thought of me, beating myself up every single time I thought I made a mistake. "What if that person doesn't like me anymore? What if they see me differently? I must impress these people so that I can be accepted" were constantly running through my mind. I'm not going to sit here and lie; I still have these thoughts. However, I recognized the fact that my approval from man was placed on a pedestal above my worth in Christ. Through prayer, I hope that I can grow my relationship with God. It's hard not to see myself as unworthy many times, and it's hard for me to see any change in heart, but I know God moves mountains, and He is someone I can depend on. The whole conference was based on our worth and how HE MADE us all differently to be used to glorify Him in different ways.

My lovely sophomore brothers and sisters

Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?

How ADORABLE is Frozen? Sure, Flynn Rider is an absolute hunk, but there is just no equivalent to Olaf. Not only that, but the music is addicting... who knew Kristin Bell could sing like that? I definitely annoy my roommates with my constant "LET IT GOOOO, LET IT GOOOO." I so wanted to watch the movie again, that I went the second time with a group of people I wouldn't have thought of hanging out with. Totally spontaneous and unexpected, but surprisingly fun! This really goes to show how much a little effort and going outside of your comfort zone can go in getting to know and open up to other people. Now I'm not saying that you'll become best friends forever with a person you hang out with one time, but I think that I've been living inside of a comfort bubble with people I know accept me the way I am. Rather than worrying about whether or not a person likes you, I realized that I never gave people a chance. Sure, not everyone gets along, and that is just an inevitability. However, I look forward to getting to know the people in my class this quarter! Yay to new friendships and yay to a great start on a soon to be hard quarter!

New Year, New Goals

It's the start of a brand new year! All of 2013 felt like a new start; coming to a new school, developing new friendships, surviving in a new apartment with new roommates, it's all come and gone so fast. Even a year ago, at the start of my second quarter, I was unsure of my relationship with my friends. I second guessed whether or not they actually valued our friendship as much as I valued them. "Am I being too clingy? Ooh, maybe I shouldn't have said that" were a couple of the many thoughts I had whilst conversing with my potential best friends for life. Who knew building friendships from the ground up would be so thought consuming? However, aside from all those thoughts, I realized that the relationships I had with my friends were ones that were mutual, and that we were all just as insecure as the next person. As people, we tend to assume that our insecurities are much bigger than others, but we are all self-conscious, maybe in different aspects, but we wouldn't be human if we were perfect. Putting myself out there was the only way I was able to develop the relationships I have with my friends now, and taking that jump is crucial... unless, of course, the surface-level "how you doin'" is your conversation of choice, to each his own. Now I'm not saying that my relationship with my friends is perfect, it's only been a year after all, but I am striving to deepen connections with people in my class, and making an effort makes all the difference.
Relationship goals for 2014:

• Build/maintain deeper bonds with friends/roommates I already know and am close with.
• Spend time with people I am not as comfortable with.
• Speak to people in my English classes... rather than falling asleep...

Spiritually, this year has been interesting. As a freshman, I felt lonely many times throughout the year, and without trusting in God, I don't know if I would have transitioned into college as easily as I did. He has honestly blessed me so much this year, answering prayers for a good group of friends, a good church, good roommates, and a good fellowship. Pretty much, God is good... more than good! I honestly did not spend as much time with Him as He deserves, and I hope to become more faithful in the upcoming year. To be completely truthful, I didn't always want to pray or read the Bible (it was the laziness talking), but, as a Christian, these two things are critical in growing my faith and relationship with God. I learned that He does listen, and He does reply, though when trouble strikes it doesn't always feel like it. Also, going to San Francisco urban missions completely opened my eyes. Never did I think a city within my own state of California would be so broken. Sure I have heard of drug dealers and homeless people, but I have never encountered them to the extent that I had in San Francisco. I've been to Ghiradelli Square, Chinatown, Fisherman's Wharf, Union Square, but I definitely have never set foot on Sixth Street... that is until this past summer. How ironic is it that we, the middle/upper class, people who were raised with accessibility to school, food, and a home, are so prideful that we choose to look past the people who have nothing? Don't get me wrong, I was definitely afraid of the homeless people walking in, and to a certain extent, I still am. On the other hand, I see them as people who need our help, and in God's eyes, aren't we all equal? God gave me the resources I need so that I can be used to glorify God by blessing others, and that is something I really hope to improve upon in the upcoming year. I am writing this here so I have to keep my word and not only talk the talk.  

Spiritual Goals 2014:

• Read the Bible and QT daily.
• Reach out to those on campus.
• Bless others through what God has blessed me with.

Physically, this year has been a roller coaster ride for sure. During the week I eat healthy and exercise as much as possible... the weekend is my enemy. When Friday hits, its all over. Eat what I couldn't during the week is pretty much my motto, and this is not good for the body. Freshmen 15 is a true statement and, let me tell you, it hits hard and fast. I just want to feel good about the way I look and not regret everything I eat, and because I like a challenge I'm doing something crazy. No meat (except fish), no carbs. Starting tomorrow (because I ate meat and rice yesterday and today... fail). January third can still count as the first, right? I want to test out the waters, and see how it makes me feel. Starting with a month onwards. Baby steps. Maybe I can bribe myself by splurging on some kind of article of clothing or accessory every month I succeed. That's a pretty good deal, right? Food is literally my heart's best buddy, but my stomach's arch enemy. In the name of health! Sigh... posting on this blog means I have to keep my word. Thank you interweb for keeping me accountable...

Physical Goals 2014:

• Take out them carbs and meats (other than fish).
• Exercise at least 5 times a week (unless something serious prevents it).
• Stop snacking every time mouth is bored.
• Walk to school everyday.

Let's see how long this goes... Hmphhh

-S.Park